Jafar's Disastrous Dates
by D.Minx
Summary: Join Jafar on his quest to find his 'ideal woman'... will he ever be able to find a woman that could truly understand him?... Probably not with Hades playing Cupid... not directly linked with P.o.P or H.o.T.T... Rated T, Just in case... Enjoy!
1. The Matchmaker from Hell

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter One:**__**The Matchmaker from Hell**_

Jafar sighed heavily as he descended the last step into the deep gloomy abyss. He could barely believe it had come to this, was he really this desperate? It was hard to believe that even with all the powers of the universe at his disposal he still couldn't obtain what it was he really wanted more than anything… affection.

After all, what was the point in ruling Agrabah without having a beautiful queen seated beside him? Power brought many things but it could not keep you company on those cold, lonesome dessert evenings. Minions were ok but Jafar had never had much luck keeping them around… besides it would make a nice change to be around someone who didn't start to uncontrollably shake or gibber mindlessly when he entered the room…

He sure wasn't going to go to Aphrodite for advice, not that she'd help him if he did. She hated his kind. The Love Goddess firmly believed that villains didn't deserve love because they couldn't ever grasp the concept of it…

…But she was wrong. There was one villain that did seem to have a vague idea about love. In fact not only had he proved Aphrodite's theory wrong but he was now happily married too, and because of this Jafar decided that it was his 'expert' opinion that he really needed to help him out..

* * *

'Jaffy!!' Hades' smirk widened at the sight of his fellow villain. 'What brings ya back to the Underworld huh? Ya needin' some help with that Aladdin yutz, wanna borrow some of my snarlin' brood to finish the schmeil off?' The fiery god playfully punched the vizier on the shoulder.

'Ah-hah.. no but thank you for the offer, I prefer to do my own dirty work, that way I know it gets done..' He responded smoothly rubbing the spot where Hades had punched him, there'd be a bruise there later.

'Uh-huh I see your point, but there's nothin' like usin' a minion or two…' Hades raised his brows. '-gives ya more time to spend on whatcha really care about..'

'Yes well..' Jafar coughed uncomfortably at this point. '-I don't have a very good track record with those do I?' Hades instantly clapped the vizier on the back causing him to wobble slightly at the force off it.

'Ya stickin' around a while Jaffy?' The god asked jauntily wrapping an arm around Jafar's shoulder's and the vizier caught a glimpse of the god's platinum wedding band.

'Yes… in fact I-'

'Good!' Hades cut jauntily over the vizier as his smirk widened. 'I know the missus'll be pleased to see ya..' Jafar suddenly found himself being dragged off towards Hades' throne room.

'So..' Jafar sounded after a moment. '-how's it feel to be married..'

'Heh, I'm telling' ya Jaffy..' Hades responded grinning. '-if I'd known this 'marriage gig' was gonna be so easy, I'da done it centuries ago.. but then again, I think bein' with Seph makes it easier, she understands me.. y'know what I'm sayin'..' The god paused at the slightly bemused look Jafar threw him. '-well maybe ya don't but it's nice, trust me..'

'And how is your wife keeping these days?' Jafar asked politely.

'Heh, whatta ya askin' me for?' Hades smirked amused. 'C'mon and see for yourself..' The god let go of the vizier as he led him up the stairs to the throne room.

'Hey Seph..' Hades suddenly bellowed cheerfully entering the throne room causing the white-skinned goddess, who was sprawled across the chessboard with a few dozen scrolls, to look up at him and smile in her adorable girly fashion. '-you'll never guess who I found skulkin' around the Underworld..'

'Who?' Persephone sounded curiously but her question was answered instantly as Jafar entered the room scowling at her husband.

'I wasn't 'skulking around' and you know it!' The former vizier scowled at Hades who merely smirked amused by his words.

'Jafar…' Persephone smiled sweetly causing Jafar to turn and flash Hades' better half a slimy leer. Marriage clearly suited the young goddess as she was positively glowing. '-how nice to see you again..'

'Persephone…' The former vizier leaned into her and took her dainty white fingers in his. '-you look absolutely radiant my dear..' He purred and the Queen of the Underworld turned her head away as a faint peachy blush crossed her cheeks. A twinge of jealousy caused Hades' flaming hair to flash orange and he scowled at the sickening sight of the former vizier schmoozing up to his wife.

'Alright that's enough..' The fiery god shot Jafar a black look then wrenched him away from Persephone who merely smirked amused at the vizier's surprised face. '-ya don't wanna end up like the last yutz that tried to do that..' Jafar blinked confused then turned to the young goddess and threw her a questioning look.

'Ah..' She waved her hand dismissively. '-it's nothing really..' Persephone giggled girlishly then continued. '-when Hades and I were dating this guy tried to steal me away but thanks to my brilliant husband here-' The goddess gestured to the fiery god who flashed a proud, wide-fanged smirk at his wife. '-he's bound in a chair for all eternity… he's still in the dinning room, you wanna see him?' Persephone added cheerfully.

'No thank you, I think I'll pass my dear..' Jafar smirked briefly then a loud shrieking noise suddenly caused all three to whip around as a pale transparent figure dropped in through the ceiling and shot through the doorway to the Vortex of Fire. The counter then rolled forward one digit.

'Well…' Persephone sighed heavily. '-I suppose I better deal with the stiff, huh?' She smiled at her husband as a purple clipboard appeared in his long blue fingers. Hades handed her the clipboard but as Persephone made to leave he suddenly gripped her wrist.

'Heh.. Ya forgettin' somethin' babe?' His smirk widened amused as Persephone looked back confused.

'Oh..' The goddess suddenly smiled as she realised what it was he was after, she then stepped up to her husband and pulled him into a soft kiss. Jafar groaned inwardly, rolling his eyes then turned away shaking his head with disbelief. If he ever found his ideal woman they certainly would be saving that kind of behaviour for _behind_ closed doors.

'That better?' Persephone breathed softly as they parted.

'Much..' Hades sounded and the goddess beamed before turning to leave. '-now go get 'em sugar..' The god added jauntily slapping her butt causing Persephone to squeal out in surprise then giggle coyly as she left to go and check in the new arrival.

'Now play nice boys…' Persephone sounded in a sultry tone and waving them off as she entered the doorway to the vortex.

'Aye-chi-wa-wa…' Hades sighed as his narrowed eyes followed his wife until she was out of sight. The god seemed to snap out of his ogling the moment Persephone vanished into the glowing green stairway to the vortex, he instantly looked around to Jafar who raised his brows amused.

'So…' Hades flashed the vizeir a lazy smirk before vanishing in a curl of smoke and reappearing on his throne. '-what brings ya down here, if it isn't that schlub Aladdin?'

* * *

Hades blinked several times in shock then deciding he had misheard the vizier laughed softly.

'Heh, heh, heh, ya wanna just run that by me again Jaffy, must have a wedge a brimstone still in my ear from this morning..' The god dug a finger in his ear and flicked out a lump. '-Seph always makes me take a shower after I've been in Tartarus, huh, thought I'd got all of it off…' He glared in the direction he had tossed the small lump of brimstone.

'Hades!!' Jafar snapped irritably causing the god to blink and suddenly look around. 'This is not the topic of discussion..' The Lord of the Underworld frowned at the vizeir for a moment before a sneering twisted smirk appeared on his full blue lips.

'Y'know Jaffy.. I've heard a lotta things in my time but…' Hades broke off and chuckled softly for a moment and Jafar pouted, crossing his arms defensively. '-what in Tartarus do ya wanna _woman_ for?!'

Jafar rolled his eyes in animated exasperation.

'I thought _that_ would be quite obvious..'

* * *

After probing Jafar, which was exceedingly uncomfortable for the former vizier as he preferred to keep his feelings locked up, the Lord of the Underworld discovered that the tall sinister man was lonely and Hades pitied him. The fiery god had once felt exactly the same way but that had all changed the day he had met Persephone… she was the light of his immortal life, she was everything to him and he never wanted to go back to the way things had been before…

The god's face was completely unreadable for a few moments and Jafar was beginning to wonder if this had all been a waste of time. Then suddenly the god's sharp features broke into a wide leering smile.

'Heh, y'know what Jaffy…' He drawled lazily slouching further down his throne and studying the tall sinister man with an almost sentimental look. '-if your sure this is what ya want… what the hell, I'll help ya find that special lady, just leave it with me.' Hades raised his brows then suddenly got off his throne and sauntered over to the former vizier and clutched his shoulders tightly. The god instantly began to steer Jafar towards the exit. The vizier blinked surprised.

'Don't you even want to know what kind of woman I'm looking for-'

'Pffft…' Hades snorted dismissively. '-details, details… just go home 'kay, I'll arrange everything…'

'But-'

'Jaffy… Re-lax…' The god smirked as they stopped at the doorway to the Styx. '-I'll call ya when I got the first date lined up…'

'Well..' Jafar drawled unsurely then sighed. '-if your sure about this..'

'Absolutely.' Hades said insistently. 'Now if ya don't mind… I prefer to plan alone..'

'Very well…' Jafar sounded in a reluctant tone then turned and began to descend the steps to the Styx.

Hades smirked widely leaning against the doorway watching the vizier leave.

'Do I even want to know what your planning?' A soft female voice made the fiery god turn around to see his wife standing with one eyebrow raised in amusement.

'Nahh..' Hades responded cheerfully. '-don't ya worry about it, just be a good little wifey an' go make me a sandwich..' Persephone's other brow shot upwards but her lips curved into a wider smile as Hades moved over to his chessboard.

'Hmmm… I'll just pretend that you said 'I love you honey'..'

'Sephykins.. Less talkie, more fetchie..' The god waved his wife off vaguely while brooding on who he could get to go on a date with Jafar.. she had to be something special, someone who could hold the vizier's attention. Hades began to think about the sort of woman that Jafar might be interested in. Then suddenly the answer came to the Lord of the Underworld and he snapped his fingers.. Then came the next problem, how to get her to agree to go on a date. It was going to be tricky but the god loved a challenge…

After a further moment of brooding Hades grinned a sadistic sort of leer then swivelled around and bellowed,

'_Pain!! Panic!!_' Instantly both imps appeared out of nowhere before the god.

'You called your rottenness?' Pain asked nervously while Panic stood shaking like a leaf.

'Yeh… I need you boys to get hold of a _very_ special lady..'

* * *

_Little Notes:_

_Yeh, I feel the title is a little uninspiring but I hope the blurb more than makes up for it's lack of imagination…_

_All the dates will be Disney woman so please feel free to send suggestions on who you all think would be a great on a date out with Jafar, I do have a few ladies in mind already with plenty of hilarious situations to go with them…_

_Will Jafar ever find his 'ideal woman'…_

…_only one way to find out peeps.._

_Take Care… Ditzy xXx_


	2. Yet Another Arabian Night

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter Two:**__**Yet Another Arabian Night**_

'Hey your early Jaffy..' Hades beamed a few days later as the former vizier appeared in the Underworld ready for his first date. '-I like, I like.. shows your keen to get started..' The god nodded approvingly. '-_but_, It's not me ya gotta impress, is it?' He flashed Jafar a lazy smirk.

'Can we just get on with this..' The vizier drawled slightly exasperated.

'Ooh…' Hades raised his brow amused by Jafar's stern expression. '-anxious are we?' The god chuckled lightly which earned him a jab in the ribs from the irritable vizier.

'Hades…' Jafar sounded getting slightly restless and raising his snake staff threateningly, he might not have the power to destroy a god but the vizier could still hurt him.

'Alright, alright..' Hades sighed heavily. '-keep your turban on..' The god shook his head them gestured the vizier to follow him. 'She's down here…'

'We aren't leaving the Underworld?' Jafar asked slightly confused.

'Nahh..' Hades smirk widened. '-this way we got more control of the situation…' Jafar stopped briefly in his tracks wondering what would make Hades say something like that.

'Who exactly-' Jafar spoke in a slightly concerned tone. '-is this date with?'

'Heh, you'll see…' Hades' eyes narrowed with amusement at the slightly nervous vizier. '-now come on will ya, we can't leave her down here by herself can we?' The Lord of the Underworld threw him a slightly stern look then swivelled back around and quickened pace. Jafar followed feeling unsure about this whole thing.

Then Hades stopped at a heavy-set black door and opened it and gestured for Jafar to go first.

'Your date is waiting inside…' He sounded complete with devious sneer.

Jafar felt his palms grow slightly sweaty and after taking a deep cleansing breath the vizier enter ed the room to meet his date…

* * *

Jafar's eyes widened the instant he entered the room. Sat in a chair bound, gagged and writhing, desperately trying to free herself from her restraints was someone he recognized immediately. How could he not? With her long silky black hair, those deep inky eyes, mocha skin and turquoise pantaloons…

Princess Jasmine instantly stopped squirming against her bounds as the door opened and her eyes widened in horror at the sight of the sinister vizier. A small and muffled 'eep' came from her as the Arabian Princess and she sat perfectly still transfixed with dread, her current situation seemed to have gotten a heck of a lot worse.

Jafar quickly got over his surprise as Hades appeared beside him smirking in a self-satisfied manner. The vizier's dark eyes narrowed at the flaming deity.

'Oh _why_ did you have to go and get _her_..' He sounded in a cool tone that was laced in annoyance. Hades blinked then grinned a crooked jagged leer.

'Ah come on..' The fiery god elbowed him playfully in the ribs causing Jafar to wince slightly. '-just use her as a practise date..' The vizier scowled at Hades who was still grinning like an idiot, he then grabbed the god by the neck of his chiton and pulled him closer to his angry face.

'And what about Aladdin?' Jafar hissed furiously. 'What happens when the street-rat comes looking for her..' Hades merely smirked unperturbed by the vizier's angry remark and detached his bony fingers from the neck of his clothes sighing,

'Re-lax… let me worry about that little schlub 'kay..' Hades walked over to Jasmine who was eyeing him nervously, unsure what the god was going to do to her. '-_you_ just enjoy your date..' The fiery god suddenly snapped his fingers and the smoky binding that had been gagging Jasmine's mouth disappeared.

'_I never agreed to this you son of a_-' Hades snapped his fingers again and the gag returned reducing the rest of Jasmine's words to a series of muffled noises as she tried to kick out at the flaming deity.

'Oh-hoh..' Hades stepped away smirking with amusement. '-careful taking the hook outta this one Jaffy-' The god leaned into the Arabian princess with a perverse leer. '-this fish got _fangs_!!' He flashed his own shark-like teeth.

'Hades-' Jafar started crossly but the god cut him off.

'Say no more, say no more, I'll leave you guys _alone_..' Hades smirked with a meaningful look at Jafar. '-heh, don't do nothin' I wouldn't do, not that that's sayin' much..' The god smirked to himself amused before shutting the door behind him.

Jafar gazed for a long moment at the door in disbelief. What the hell was he meant to do now? It wasn't until the sound of muffled frustration and grinding of wood on stone did the vizier remember that there was somebody in the room with him. The vizier turned slowly around to Princess Jasmine who was fighting to free herself once more.

'Oh don't waste your energy my little dessert bloom..' He sounded in a chillingly melodious voice which caused Jasmine to stop writhing again. '-it's just you and me now..' He flashed a sly leer at the Arabian Princess causing her deep inky eyes to widen in horror.

* * *

'What's going on?' An irritable female voice sounded as Hades shut the door behind him, leaving Jafar and Jasmine to it. The god instantly turned around and faced his suspicious-looking wife.

'Nothing..' Hades flashed her what he hoped was a winning smirk but it may have come off more like a guilty leer.

'What are you hiding in there?' Persephone asked instantly trying and to reach for the door but Hades rebuffed her attempts.

'It's nothing for ya to worry about baby..' He sounded causing the goddess to place her hands on her hips and pout clearly unimpressed.

'Oh come on Hades.. I've seen your porn stash, I think I can handle this!' She folded her arms huffily.

'Ok, one… this-' He gestured behind him to the door. '-has nothing to do with you and two… that's not mine, I'm just holdin' it for Zeus..'

'Uh-huh, ok fine.. I won't ask..' Persephone sounded raising her brow before turning around and walking away with a slight smirk twisted on her lips.

'Seph…' Hades suddenly blinked with a slightly worried expression and following his missus down the corridor. '-babe… ya do believe me about the porn, right?'

'Oh I believe you sweetie..' The goddess sounded in a tone of amusement that clearly suggested that she didn't.

* * *

'Scream all you want my dear your precious little street-rat can't hear you all the way down here..' Jafar rolled his dark eyes disdainfully as the Princess had been screaming for a good few minutes after the vizier had removed her gag. Jasmine stopped screaming and glared hatefully at the sinister man who was seated across from her smirking almost amused.

'Aladdin will find me eventually!!' She snarled crossly.

'Oh I don't doubt that…' Jafar sounded lazily studying his snake staff thoughtfully. '-but in the meantime princess why don't we have a nice little chat, hmm…'

'I don't want to talk to you!!' Jasmine screeched causing a smile to spread over the vizier's lips.

'My word..' He breathed flashing her a snake-like leer. '-I'd almost forgotten how passionate you get when your angry..'

'You are nothing but a vile twisted creep who should just drop _dead_!!'

'Ho-hum..' Jafar sounded in a bored tone. 'Been there, done that..' He suddenly flashed her a sly leer. '-it pays to have friends in high places..' For a long moment there was a pause as Princess Jasmine scowled at Jafar with loathing, it was true.. She knew it. As long as Hades and Jafar were friendly he'd have a get-out-of-the-afterlife free card.

'You know my dear..' Jafar sounded smoothly causing the princess to turn her deep inky eyes back to the creep in front of her. '-I'll admit that I have been nursing a grudge against that lowly street-rat for ruining my best-laid plans, but I have never held any bitterness towards a beautiful desert bloom such as yourself..'

'It's just one slimy remark after another..' Jasmine sighed still scowling in disgust. '-isn't it Jafar?'

'Why..' The vizier smiled widely. '-you know me _soo_ well princess..'

* * *

Persephone was down by the docks of the Styx taking note of the new arrivals while her husband was floating around the house doing whatever it was he didn't want her to know about. The goddess was slightly concerned about this as she didn't like secrets between them, she knew from Hera that secrets in a marriage always came back to bite you on the butt. Persephone looked up from her New Arrivals forms and sighed gazing at the large rounded window of her marital home, she hoped Hades wasn't doing anything stupid..

'Persephone!!' An angry male voice sounded causing the goddess to jump in shock and whirl around. The Queen of the Underworld's beautiful green eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the mortal man riding a purple and gold carpet glaring at her. 'Where's Jasmine?!' He snarled at her causing Persephone to blink confused.

'Aladdin?' She squinted at the mortal boy.

'Don't play games Persephone!!' Aladdin snarled angrily. 'I know Hades had those two little imps kidnapped Jasmine last night.. What has he done with her?!'

Persephone blinked in amazement.

'Hades had Jasmine kidnapped?' She gawped at Aladdin in shock then she began to wonder what exactly it was that Hades and Jafar were up to. The goddess frowned towards the window before turning back to Aladdin who was still waiting for an explanation.

'Aladdin..' She sounded apologetically to the mortal boy who blinked. '-I am so sorry about this… let me deal with Hades and Jafar personally-' The goddess' hair flared momentarily with irritation at what her husband was doing inside.

'Jafar as well!!' Aladdin scowled deeper. 'What are those two up to?'

'I don't know..' Persephone responded then gestured for Aladdin to follow her. '-but let's find out!' She tossed her purple clipboard down in anger then led Aladdin and his carpet into the dark House of Hades.

* * *

'Would you like some wine princess?' Jafar sounded in a smarmy tone pouring out some of the burgundy coloured liquid from the vessel. 'I understand it is from the Bacchus' private stash..' The vizier smiled wider waving his snake staff and releasing one of Jasmine's hands. The princess threw the vizier a look of disgust but took the goblet of wine he offered her. For a moment she looked as though she were actually going to take a sip then she whirled around and threw the contents into Jafar's face.

'Yeuch..' Jafar wiped the red liquid off his face with disgust. '-well I see time has done nothing to improve your table manners princess..'

The next second the door burst open revealing a stunning but angry white-skinned goddess and a tall, handsome mortal man with dark hair and eyes.

'Aladdin..' Jasmine breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of her boyfriend and using her free hand she undid the rest of her bounds and threw herself into his arms.

'Persephone..' Jafar sounded as the Queen of the Underworld glared at him. 'How nice of you to join us-'

'Where's Hades?!' The goddess snarled angrily causing Jafar to smile nervously at her.

'Why your darling husband is busy with his work my queen..' The vizier smiled a snake-like leer while trying to butter up the irate goddess. However she didn't seem to be buying it, in fact she suddenly screamed out in fury causing the three around her to cover their ears.

'_Hades!!! You get your titanic butt over here right now!!_' The next second the Lord of the Underworld appeared flashing his angry wife a wide-fanged nervous grin.

'Sephykins… baby..' The god tried to sweet-talk his missus. '-what seems to be the problem my sweet li'l siren..'

'If I were you two I'd leave now… this may get a little ugly..' Jafar sounded unemotionally as the young goddess' long golden-hair suddenly burst into flame causing Hades' simpering grin to widen considerably. Without having to be told twice both Aladdin and Jasmine hopped onto the magic carpet and flew out of the Underworld before Persephone erupted, they'd heard her rages could move the earth.

'You better tell me what the hell is going on, _right now-_' The Queen of the Underworld fumed. '-_or you'll be on the couch for the rest of eternity!!_'

Hades chanced a glance at Jafar who sighed and shrugged at him.

'You should have just told her from the start…'

* * *

_Little Notes:_

_Hey Everybody, first off I'd like to thank everybody who has reviewed this story so far… this chap is for all of you… as usual, feel free to suggest any women you'd like to see date Jafar.._

_This chap was so much fun, I wrote it while watching the Return of Jafar… I love that film!!_

_Ooooh… who will be Jafar's next date? And what could possibly go wrong? Will Hades be able to worm his way out of trouble?_

_Review and stay tuned to find out…_

_Lot's of Love…. Ditzy xXx_


	3. A Vanity Affair

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter Three:A **__**Vanity Affair**_

Jafar's lips were curled in an amused sneer as he watched from the safety of the hallway. The 'practise' date might have been a complete disaster but this more than made up for that. Watching Hades try to explain things to his angry wife was definitely worth sticking around this dank hell-hole for, it was refreshing to see the Lord of the Underworld looking so nervous.

'-if your going to be running schemes out of the Underworld can you at least have the decency to tell me about them!!' The young goddess paused from her ranting still glaring at Hades before adding in a softer voice, '-it's bad enough having heroes bursting in here but don't you trust me anymore?' Persephone suddenly looked accusingly at her husband.

'Babe..' Hades sounded in a slightly hurt tone. '-ya know I trust ya but this isn't just some scheme-'

'-Oh really?' The goddess cut him off raising a eyebrow intrigued. '-so why don't you enlighten me then..' She folded her arms with her eyes narrowed in a 'this better be good' manner.

'Fiiine..' Hades sighed heavily then frowned slightly adding, '-but no laughin'..'

'Ok..' Persephone sounded shrugging indifferently. Hades then mulled over how best to tell his wife what it was they were doing.

'Well..' He drawled stroking his long chin thoughtfully. '-ya see, Jaffy here-' he gestured towards the former vizier who frowned. '-is gettin' kinda lonely in his old age-'

'Hey!!' Jafar sounded irritably from the doorway. 'I have you know I'm sixty years younger than your wife!!'

'Ahh, shut up old timer..' Hades rolled his eyes then waved his hand dismissively in the direction of Jafar who glared even more offended but chose not to respond. '-anyway..' The fiery god turned back to his wife. '-I sorta agreed to..' Hades twirled his wrist casually. '-help him find a missus..'

'Oh..' Persephone blinked several times, definitely not what she was expecting to hear, then she frowned once more. '-but why did you have to kidnap Jasmine?!'

'Jaffy used to have a thing for her-'

'So you just kidnapped her!!' The goddess snarled getting worked up again. 'Hades! This is by far the most irresponsible thing you've ever done!!'

'Oh it is not!!' Hades sounded folding his arms and pouting defiantly. 'Remember the time I accidentally waxed the chariot with your wedding dress?'

'How could I forget..' Persephone muttered darkly at the memory, she frowned deeper then placed her hands on her hips stubbornly.

'Hades…' She started sternly causing her husband to flash her a winning smile. '-if your going to help Jafar find a woman I want you to promise me something..'

'You name it my sweet..' Hades purred in an agreeable tone.

'You'll only set Jafar up with women who _want_ to go on a date with him.' The goddess sounded firmly glaring at her fiery husband.

'Aww but that's no fun..' He responded sullenly.

'Hades..' Persephone sounded sternly flashing him a furious glare.

'Alright, alright…' Hades sighed heavily then uttered irritably to himself. '-your lucky you're my wife, if you were anybody else I'd just roast ya alive..' He then raised his right hand and spoke clearly, '-I Hades, swear by the Styx that I'll only set Jafar up with women that are willing to go out with him.' The white-skinned goddess smiled sweetly at her other half then wrapped her arms around his waist.

'I know that was difficult but I love you for it..' She kissed his cheek before vanishing in a swirl of orbs happily. Hades sighed heavily then picked up a piece from his chessboard.

'Well Nut-Meg.. I guess ya just got yourself a reprieve..' The god glared irritably at Meg's figurine before melting it into a gooey mess.

'I can't believe a villain like you just caved in so fast..' Jafar sounded slightly amused appearing beside the gloomy god.

'Yehh…' Hades sounded dejectedly, wiping his hand on Jafar's chest causing the vizier to frown at him in annoyance. '-but when you find a chick ya like maybe you'll understand..'

……………………………….............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

After Jafar had gone home and some time sulking in his study about the promise he'd made to his wife, Hades got out his Villain Rolodex and began flipping through the various contacts. Villainesses were the only option left, they would be the only women interested in dating Jafar… but who to set him up with? After disregarding a few choices Hades finally stopped on one that brought a crooked smirk to his lips, then he picked up the phone on his desk and dialled the number…

……………………………….............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Four days later Jafar sighed as he appeared at the location for his first _proper_ date, a ritzy bar in the bustling high street of Toontown. Amazing, he was actually feeling more nervous about this date than he'd felt for the 'practise' date in the Underworld… Hades had been right, being in the Underworld had been the safe option, at least it was a familiar place to him… still, he mustn't linger outside, it would not do to keep his date waiting… the vizier glanced up at the flashing pink letters above the bar; _**Vanity's Place**_… He frowned at it wondering.. _who names these stupid clubs?_ Then without further hesitation he stepped inside to meet his date…

Jafar looked around the bar with mild irritation, despite it's dim lighting this was definitely not the sort of place he'd usually come to, there were mirrors everywhere… on the walls, on the tables, on the floor… and there was some strange music floating through the air. The vizier wondered if it had been Hades or his mystery date who had suggested meeting here, if he were a gambling man he'd have betted on the latter, but thankfully he wasn't.. personally he couldn't see the point in gambling as he usually lost whatever he was betting with and he'd always been a sore loser..

The vizier began to look around for his date feeling awkward and incredibly out of place, according to Hades his date would be holding a white lily in her hand. After scanning the room Jafar spotted a woman sat away from everybody else preening herself in one of the large mirrors, she was very pretty with her snow white skin and tight fitting purple dress. The vizier recognised her instantly as Snow White's evil-stepmother then wondered vaguely what she was doing here. It was only when the Wicked Queen raised her dove-like hands to straighten the crown on her head did Jafar notice that she was holding a lily, the vizier did a double-take… she was his date!!

Jafar approached the beautiful villainess trying to think of a way to introduce himself but just as he was about to speak the Wicked Queen's eyes suddenly noticed his reflection in the mirror and her ruby lips twisted into a smile.

'Good evening Jafar..' She sounded lightly then with one final check of her appearance she turned towards him.

'Good evening my dear..' Jafar responded in a pleasant tone complete with a small bow and a serpentine smile twisted in his lips.

'Won't you take a seat… you'd look awfully silly just standing there all night..' The Wicked Queen gestured to the seat opposite her and Jafar took it trying to think of something to say to her.

'I must admit that I'm a little surprised to see you here..' He started hardly failing to notice that the Wicked Queen had now pulled her pocket mirror out of her purse. '-don't you usually claim your too busy for dating?' By 'busy' he meant she was far too occupied in obsessing over her looks and plotting on how to get rid of a certain step-daughter of hers.

'Usually..' The Wicked Queen sighed, snapping the mirror shut then turning her bright eyes to Jafar. '-but Hades was _so_ insistent..'

'Yes… well…' Jafar uttered trying to think of how to respond. '-he can be quite _full on_..'

'Hmm..' The Wicked Queen sounded nodding in agreement.

The two villains ordered their drinks, this took a while as the Wicked Queen insisted on finding out how many calories were in every drink before eventually settling on a vodka martini, making sure the waiter used real lime juice and not 'that fattening stuff behind the bar' of course.. A stunned Jafar, wisely, chose not to comment when the vain ruler finally sipped on her drink content.

'So…' Jafar sounded after a few moments of silence passed by. '-have you been up to much my dear?'

'Oh.. not much.. not much..' The Wicked Queen turned to the mirror and began checking her reflection once more. 'So tell me Jafar… do you think I'm the fairest in the bar?' She asked almost absent-mindedly keeping her eyes on her reflection. The question made Jafar blink in shock, _was that all this woman cared about?!_

'Yes my dear..' The vizier sounded flatly while rolling his eyes in slight irritation. '-you truly are a vision of _loveliness_… now can we please talk about something el-'

'Uhh…' The Wicked Queen tutted cutting Jafar off as she eyed her reflection with annoyance. '-I knew I should have worn that navy blue dress, this purple one makes me look fat!!'

'Nonsense.. you look ravishing.' Jafar sounded causing the vain ruler to turn to him and scowl.

'Oh your just saying that to be nice!!' The Wicked Queen shot at him irritably.

'My dear lady..' Jafar drawled in a measured tone trying to control his annoyance. '-I do _not_ do nice, I can assure you of that!'

The Wicked Queen didn't seem to be listening as she preened herself in the large wall mirror beside their table.

'Mirror, mirror on the wall..' She suddenly sounded in a soft commanding voice causing Jafar to blink in disbelief.

'Oh Allah..' He lent his head in his hand. 'I wondered when this was going to start..' He sighed exasperated to himself. The Wicked Queen didn't seem to notice the vizier's reaction as she continued.

'-who's the fairest of them all..'

There was a long silent pause as she waited for the response but the mirror remained silent which caused the Wicked Queen to scowl in frustration.

'Why won't you answer me!!' She finally sounded crossly while scowling at the wall mirror.

'It's _not_ your Magic Mirror pussycat…' Jafar intoned in a bored voice as he slouched back lazily in his seat. Once again she didn't seem to be listening and the Wicked Queen rapped the mirror irritably.

'Hello! I'm talking to you!!' She hissed venomously. At this point Jafar snapped, this ridiculous date was getting on his last nerve.

'Oh for the love of…' The vizier clenched his fists angrily then seized his snake staff as he grabbed it the ruby eyes of the golden snake lit up. Without a second thought Jafar stood up and swung the staff towards the mirror smashing it to pieces. The Wicked Queen merely gaped in shock as the shards of glass cascaded to the floor, she then turned to the seething vizier who spoke in a soft voice that pulsed with repressed fury.

'_See!! It's just a regular mirror!!_'

'Did you just smash that?' The Wicked Queen finally sounded faintly still trying to grasp the truth despite it being blatantly obvious. Then suddenly it hit him and she whipped around angrily to the vizier. 'That's seven years bad luck!!' She squawked eyeing him as though he'd just confessed to contracting an incredibly infectious disease.

'Oh please..' Jafar drawled in a teasing manner. '-don't tell me you _actually_ believe in that suppositious mumbo-jumbo do you?' The Wicked Queen threw him a nasty look then began to gather up her things, this basically answered his question. She then stood up clearly intending to leave. The amazingly she turned to the vizier, still glaring at her.

'Jafar..' The Wicked Queen sounded firmly. '-you and your bad luck stay away from me!!' Then without another pause she left in a huff.

Jafar gave a sigh of relief then sat up and placed his hands together in prayer.

'Thank you Allah…' He sounded gratefully. The next second a waiter appeared looking very nervous.

'Excuse me sir..' He stuttered nervously causing Jafar to turn towards him with a cool sneer. 'My manager says you'll have to pay for that..'

'Did he now?' Jafar mused thoughtfully, stroking his beard then suddenly he threw a twisted leer at the waiter while pulling a small vial out of his pocket. 'Well why don't you tell him to burn in hell!!' The vizier then threw down the vial and vanished in a puff of red smoke. The waiter coughed waving the smoke away then turned back to the bar.

'Sir…' He called to his manager. '-I don't think he's comin' back..'

……………………………….............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

'Whoa, whoa, whoa..' Hades held up his hand halting Jafar in his tracks. The pair of them were sat in Hades' study so they wouldn't be disturbed. '-I set ya up with the hottest villainess in the cosmos and ya manage to _offend_ her?!' Jafar rolled his eyes irritably.

'Oh please..' The vizier sounded. '-she only cares about how she looks.'

'So she's high maintenance… big deal, so's my wife..'

'Yes..' Jafar hissed. '-but _your_ _wife_ doesn't spend all day staring at mirrors does she?'

'Ok, ok…' Hades sighed heavily getting the jist of what Jafar was hinting at. '-I'll find ya another date…' The god paused before smirking then adding, '-so ya want me to set ya up with Madame Mim? I hear she's not high maintenance at all..' Jafar frowned deeply at this suggestion. It was true she wasn't high maintenance, in fact she was very low maintenance.. not only that, she was completely stark raving mad and thought everything was a game… she'd drive him crazy.

'Don't even try it..' The vizier raised his snake staff dangerously towards Hades who snickered amused.

'Heh, heh, heh… was just jokin' Jaffy..' The fiery god continued to snicker for a moment as he flipped idly through the Villain Rolodex. '-we'll find ya a date..'

……………………………….............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

_Little Notes:_

_Hey Everybody, thank you so much for the suggestions but I'm only looking for villainesses for the dates themselves although other characters may make small camioes as the dates are taking place so keep sending me ideas I take them all on board…._

_Thank you CentaurGirl for your suggestion of using Snow White, I did think about it but the Wicked Queen was so much more fun… incidentally I'm going to a fancy dress party as Snow White next week (better not eat any apples as I don't have a Prince to wake me up lol..)._

_For anybody who's trying to figure out Jafar's age.... Persephone is one-hundred and fifteen in this story, that makes Jafar aprox. fifty five..._

_Keep the review coming if you want to see what happens…_

_Until next time… _

_Take Care….. Ditzy xXx_


	4. I'm a Disney Villain, Get Me Out of Here

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter Four:**__**I'm a Disney Villain, Get me out of Here!**_

Persephone had been sat alone in the large black bed she usually shared with her husband for a long time. The Goddess of Life was growing more and more irritable with every minute that passed as she waited for the Lord of the Underworld to show his face. Hopefully her husband would show her some attention as the she'd been feeling slightly neglected ever since Hades had started playing Cupid for Jafar.

It wasn't that she didn't approve because she did and since Hades and Jafar had been close friends for years it was only natural that the fiery god should take an interest in helping his buddy find a woman. Even though Persephone was all for the idea of Jafar having a girlfriend it didn't stop her feeling jealous that her husband was now spending more time with somebody else than her. The young goddess wasn't used to having to compete for Hades' attentions and she didn't like it. Usually her husband couldn't keep his hands to himself, he was always frisking her or trying to get her to drop whatever work she'd been doing in favour of more pleasurable pastimes. But not recently… now all her husband did was interested in was finding Jafar a date..

Persephone threw back bed covers with frustration _finally_ giving up on the hope that her husband was coming up to bed. Getting up the young goddess straightened her silk, black lace nightgown and picked up the black dressing gown with red cuffs. Judging by the large red H and the fact that it was severely oversized it belonged to her husband. Wrapping it tightly around her the goddess left the large bedroom to go and see what was keeping her man.

The Underworld better be plunging into chaos or _somebody_ was in deep trouble…

* * *

Hades sighed heavily massaging his forehead.

He'd been staring at the two cards from his Villain Rolodex for ages trying to think who'd make a better candidate for Jafar's date… after his date with the Wicked Queen the former vizier wanted somebody who was interested in other things besides how she looked, apparently if he had to sit through another mindless date with another 'villainous air-head' he would rather be face up in the Styx..

Hades tutted to himself then smirked. So Jafar wanted interesting did he? Well the two candidates that the fiery god had picked out for his grim and sullen Arabian friend were anything but air-heads. Interesting was _definitely_ one word to describe these particular two ladies…

…besides, if these dates turned out to be complete fiascos, there was always Madame Mim.. Persephone would probably get pissy with him for sending Jafar on a date with someone he didn't want to go out with but he knew just how to deal with her, after all he promised her that he'd set Jafar up with women who _wanted_ to go on a date with him, he never said anything about Jafar _wanting_ to go on a date with them…

Hades' full blue lips twisted into a devious smirk as he lent back against his high-backed chair. His wife would probably fume when she realised he was right, then they'd fall into the same old 'routine'. She'd gather a swirl of orbs in her dainty white fingers… he'd manifest a fireball in his large greyish-blue fingers… they'd glare at each other for a few moments… Persephone would then loose her nerve and the orbs would vanish… he'd snuff the fireball then they'd have 'no-one got smote' sex on the chessboard…

…and to think, Bolt Boy thought marriage was _hard!_ The fiery god rolled his large yellow eyes in incredulity. Maybe marriage was hard when you were connected to a monumental nag like Hera but not when you were with Persephone. The Lord of the Underworld sighed as his smirk twisted into a satisfied smile. Hard to believe that he once thought taking over Olympus would make him happy, but not anymore. Let them keep that fluffy barren waste-land, as long he had his little Sephykins by his side the Underworld was all he needed…

'_Hades!_' An angry voice made the fiery god jump in his seat then turned to the door, an oily grin suddenly appeared on his face… The pale skinned Queen of the Underworld was stood in the doorway scowling at him.

_Heh, well here was his little ray of light now__…_

'It's late..' Persephone sounded firmly then lent forward pouting as the dressing gown slipped down her arm alluringly, revealing one bare shoulder and a peep the lacy nightdress underneath. '-come to bed.' She purred in an enticing manner.

'Love to babe..' Hades sounded narrowing his eyes at her, then he sighed heavily and turned his eyes back to the cards on the table in front of him. '-but can't..' Persephone's seductive pout twisted back into a frown. '-I gotta pick a date for Jafar.'

At these words his wife clutched the dressing gown tight across her chest, he didn't deserve a peek.

'Can't you do that tomorrow?' She sounded sulkily, hardly daring to believe that finding Jafar a date was more important than getting intimate with her..

'No can do Seph..' Hades responded lightly. '-I gotta be able to give Jaffy the details by then.'

Persephone half rolled her eyes and snorted irritably, folding her arms. Hades then turned to his wife, softening at the frustration on her beautiful face. It was clear from the little lacy number under _his_ dressing gown that she'd been feeling ignored lately. It was his fault, he knew that he'd been a little preoccupied with this 'Jafar thing' but he hadn't realised just how much it had upset her… but then again, she _was _the Goddess of Life, and _dating_ was a part of life…

Persephone suddenly sighed looking sad then turned away, she may as well just go to sleep. There was no point in trying to convince Hades to move, her husband had a one-track mind and was annoyingly stubborn. Hades was like Cerberus with a bone, once he had it that was it, nothing would deter him from it.

'Y'know..' Hades sounded in a hinted tone causing Persephone to turn back to her husband unsurely. '-maybe you could help me out..' The god held out the two rolodex cards towards his wife. '-I'm havin' a little trouble tryin' to decide who to set Jafar up with.'

'You want my opinion?' Persephone blinked amazed taking the cards.

'Sure..' Hades smiled in his usual serpentine manner then his arms turned to smoky vapour and wrapped themselves around her waist, pulling her into his lap. 'Besides, the sooner this is done, the sooner I can get back to what I _really_ care about..' He uttered huskily leering at his wife and running a smoky tendril over her thigh.

'Oh..' Persephone sounded then smiled. '-well if your sure sweetie.' She turned her attention to the two cards and blinked at the names. 'Hades.. I don't even know who these women are..' She blinked confused, wondering how to pick who Jafar should date.

'_Really_..' Hades sounded innocently despite the fact that he knew she wouldn't know who they were as she'd never met them before. This was exactly the reason he was letting her pick the date. '-then just go by instinct..' He smiled warmly at her.

'Uh… alright..' She sounded hesitantly turning back to the names, she batted each of them unsure which to go for then decided to play a 'Blind Granny' and pushed a card in front of Hades' sharp nose. '-this one.'

'Good choice babe..' Hades' smile widened at the name as he made a mental note to watch this date on Tartarus Vision… this was going to be _verrry_ entertaining indeed.. The fiery god then picked up the phone on his desk and dialled the number.

* * *

In a dark office full of knick-knacks, on a desk littered with paperwork and books a brilliant red phone began to ring. After a few moments a light came on and a red-haired woman marched cantankerously into the office muttering,

'Uh, who is calling me at this time of night..' She straightened her red dress then lent back against the desk. She sighed before picking up the phone and answering in a snooty tone.

'Madame Medusa's Pawn Shop Bou-_tique_…'

* * *

A few days later...

...Jafar looked around the small bistro on the outer-edge of Toontown, this was definitely a better setting than his last date. No mirrors, no scary music and at least he could get a decent cup of java that did not taste like it had been marinating under the coffee machine for a week. He'd been sat there for some time bored wondering if his date was ever going to show. The vizier sighed heavily… oh it would just be his luck if he got stood up..

Still, Hades had been in an oddly perky mood when he'd told Jafar about this date. When the vizier had enquired as to why this was he got little more out of the jaunty Lord of the Underworld than; 'There's just this thing on Tartarus Vision that I'm _dying_ to see..'. Jafar couldn't understand Hades' fascination with T.V. there was never anything good on it and even the god himself was often moaning about how 'cheep' entertainment had gotten, still that might have something to do with some host known as Merv Griffin, Hades had never liked that guy.

Jafar was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the tall red-haired woman in a purple coat with fluffy lilac cuffs approach him.

'Hello Jafar..' She purred in a friendly tone causing the vizier to blink and look up from his coffee. He blinked at the tall woman in front of him for a long moment before speaking.

'Madame Medusa… what are you doing here?' He asked confused but the villainess merely fluttered her long eyelashes and pouted playfully.

'Why my dear…' She smiled. '-I'm your date..'

* * *

In the Underworld both Pain and Panic snorted into giggles at the look of shock and amazement on Jafar's face as he gawped wordlessly at Madame Medusa who was now sat opposite him. Hades on the other hand slouched lower in his black bony lounging chair, sucking on a worm from the bowl in front and sighing contentedly.

'And who said reality T.V. was just a cheep form of entertainment?' He smirked amused.

'Uh… wasn't it you boss?' Pain blinked.

'Yeh…' Panic added smirking, neither imp noticing that Hades had turned a slight orange shade. '-you said it was cheep and pointless and that whoever started it can go burn in Tartarus for all eternity-' Hades seethed red and sat up in his chair threateningly.

'_Shut_ _up_!' He roared causing the imps to cower. 'It was a rhetorical question.' He added and slouched back in his seat.

* * *

Jafar blinked several times at Madame Medusa as her words sunk in. _Oh Hades has got to be kidding… _the former vizier then shrugged deciding that she couldn't be any worse than the Wicked Queen, she might just have something interesting to talk about.

'So…' Jafar sounded trying to think of something to say then realising he knew very little about this villainess. '-what is it that you do?'

'Oh, I own my own business..' Medusa beamed. '-a little pawn shop in downtown New York.. And I also own a house boat in Devil's Bayou.'

'Really? A house boat..' Jafar mused. '-you must do well for yourself.'

'Oh I do alright..' Medusa sounded vaguely checking her purple nails. '-but I'd be much better off if that little brat hadn't stolen my diamond.' Her pale green eyes flashed irritably at the memory of Penny disappearing with not only her swamp mobile but the Devil's Eye too.

'Ahh..' Jafar sounded sympathetically. '-alas I too have had trouble with a brat of my own, a street-rat who robbed me of the lamp that would have made me richer and more powerful than the sultan.'

'A lamp?' Medusa blinked confused. 'An old oil lamp?' Jafar nodded.

'Oh but those wretched things don't sell for much these days..' Medusa sniffed dismissively. '-I won't have any of them in my boutique.'

'It's not the lamp it's what's inside the lamp that's important, a genie but the street-rat had to go and free him didn't he?'

'I see…' Medusa sounded, well that made a little more sense. '-so what are you up to these days then?'

'Oh y'know..' Jafar sighed heavily. '-meeting people, plotting revenge, trying to find that special person that understands me..' He twirled his hand vaguely. '-the same old thing, you?'

'Pretty much the same, just replace plotting revenge with repairing houseboat..'

'So your not plotting revenge?' Jafar enquired gently raising a brow.

'Of course I am!' Medusa snarled momentarily forgetting herself. '-but one step at a time my dear, first I must make sure that little brat can't escape or send any bottles with an S.O.S. to her little rodent friends..' The villainess smiled calming herself.

'Ah, sorting out the particulars..' Jafar nodded approvingly. '-I take it that's why nobody has seen you around lately..'

'Yes..' Medusa sighed heavily. 'It's very time consuming y'know and it doesn't help when Snoops keeps wrecking everything..'

'This is why I don't have minions anymore…' Jafar nodded. '-their just too much trouble.' Medusa nodded taking a sip of her latte.

* * *

In the wall of the bistro, a mouse hole opened up and a small brown mouse peeked out. He was wearing a little red hat a jumper and a jacket, with him was another chubbier mouse in a yellow t-shirt and a green hat.

'Gus-Gus..' The skinnier one turned to his partner. '-we's gonna sneak out and grab some cheese-'

'Oh-ho-ho-ho!' Gus chuckled excitedly. '-Cheese-cheese-cheese-cheese… num-num-num..'

'Shh..' The first sounded clamping his hand over his partner's mouth. 'Zut-zut… lookie-' he pointed over to the villains. '-Villainies..' Gus pulled away waving his had dismissively.

'Villainies…' He chuckled. 'Gus-Gus take Villainie and..' He made a slicing action over his throat.

'No.. no..' His partner sounded then pointed to the snake staff that was by Jafar. '-be careful..'

'Ok, ok… me's be careful… very verry careful..' Jacques, the skinnier mouse, sighed and the two mice left to go find some cheese.

It didn't take them long to find some cheese the only problem was the location, it was on the table right opposite to Medusa and Jafar's table.

Jacques picked up two crumbs of cheese, which was all he could carry and shot off the table as quick as he could. Gus on the other-hand being not only greedy but the slightly dimmer of the pair tried to carry as much as he could but dropped it. Then he began picking the dropped bits of cheese up again.

* * *

'So I said to Snoops-' Medusa was saying to Jafar, the villainess leaned over poking his nose. '-'your too _soft.._'_-_' She then sat back in her seat her. '-but what does that blundering oaf do? He just gives her more le-way! So I had to go out myself and get the job done..'

'It's so hard to find good help these days..' Jafar tutted sympathetically.

'Tell me about it…' She sighed then a crash from the opposite table made both villains look around. On the opposite table to them there was a fat brown mouse looking startled at the fork on the floor. He then glanced at the villains before smiling sheepishly.

'Duh.. Uh-oh..' He sounded before running across the table away from them. Jafar merely frowned at the mouse but Medusa let out a dreadful scream.

'_AHHH! A mouse!' _She gathered up her skirt then hopped onto the table. 'Oh.. Kill it, kill it _kill it!_' She sounded hysterically drawing attention to them.

'It's just a mouse pussycat..' Jafar sounded bemused, was she really that terrified of a mouse?

Suddenly Jacques appeared on the table to help his friend who had tripped in his haste to leave.

'_Oh my god there's another one!' _She shrieked even more hysterical, her sea green eyes were wide with dread and clutching her red dress even tighter revealing the white frilly underskirt.

'Oh for the love of Allah…' Jafar sighed placing his head in his hands and feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment. Everyone in the place was looking in their direction, probably staring in disbelief at this insane mad-woman who was shrieking at the two mice on the table next to her.

This date just couldn't get any worse…

Then something suddenly snapped with Medusa and she pulled a shotgun out from under the table. The whole bistro gasped in horror.

* * *

In the Underworld both Hades and his two minions were clutching their sides while laughing so hard that they were practically crying.

'Now this boys..' Hades gasped for breath while flicking a tear away. '-is entertainment at it's finest..' It was times like this the Lord of the Underworld was glad that his wife spent half the year doing her 'surface gig', she'd never approve of this kind of Trash T.V..

* * *

'Uh, must I do everything myself..' Medusa uttered turning the shotgun barrel to the two mice on the table who's eyes bulge in shock.

'Run!' Jacques screamed then grabbed Gus by the arm as Medusa pulled the trigger sending two large bullets through a cloud of thick black smoke. The two mice shot through the bistro fleeing Medusa's bullets that fired across the room after them.

They weren't the only ones either. The whole bistro was nothing but total chaos as Medusa continued to shoot bullets as the mice, customers and bistro staff fled the scene.

Suddenly the shotgun stalled causing Medusa to lower her gun. She looked at it bemused for a moment then tried again.

_Click._

'Oh come on you stupid..' She muttered irritably, trying again.

_Click._

'Jafar! What's wrong with this blasted thing?' Medusa screamed out furious. Jafar finally poked his head out from under the table where he had been hiding while the business woman had been shooting up the place. Now the former vizier liked to cause chaos as much as the next villain but this was just a little insane even for him.

'Well my dear-' Jafar started then suddenly broke off as the gun fired blowing his turban clean off his head. The bald-headed vizier ducked down to retrieve it then grabbed his snake staff… _to hell with this…_ he then vanished in a swirl of red smoke leaving Medusa with her shotgun..

* * *

_Little Notes:_

_Hey Everybody! First off lemmie just say that I'm sorry for the delay in posting this chap, it's been a crazy last few weeks but it's finally updated. Secondly, I might keep you entertained in the story front but it's you peeps that keep me entertained in the review department. I've been watching this little debate that's going on about the Mal/Jaffy fanfics… I was going to remain unbiased about the whole thing but I think it's time I say something… (1) you peeps are right, this is my story I'll take it anywhere I want… (2) people are entitled to write anything they like on my review page, it's their opinion and I like honesty… (3) If Maleficent enters this story it will only be for one chap so I'd hardly call it a Mal/Jaffy fic would you?… Ok, rant over, let's all try be mates again 'kay?_

_Disney Princess, I like Ratigan too, like Madame Medusa he's very underrated and easily forgotten in the list of more 'popular' characters, I'll see what I can do for you…_

_Take care peeps…._

_Lot's of Love… Ditzy xXx_


	5. Magical Monkey Business

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter Five:**__**Magical Monkey Business**_

'-and then she pulls a shotgun out from under the table! A shotgun_, a shotgun? Who brings a shotgun on a date?_' Jafar vented angrily as Hades tried very hard to suppress the sniggers that were threatening to break through his tight-lipped smile, it vanished instantly when Jafar turned back around to face him. 'Needless to say that I was mortified..' The vizier drawled as the Lord of the Underworld pulled his best innocent-yet-concerned expression.

'I'm sorry it didn't work out for ya buddy but I promise the next date will go much smoother..'

'Oh yeh..' Jafar sounded curiously before frowning suspiciously. '-what makes you so sure?' Hades smirked at his friend's expression amused.

'Jaffy, babe…' The fiery god sounded while waving the rolodex card that appeared in his long greyish-blue fingers. '-this little firecracker ain't afraid of mice..' He drawled smoothly while offering the vizier a green martini with an eyeball, Jafar's upper lip curled in disgust at the sight of it.

'No thank you..' The vizier eventually drawled. Hades merely shrugged and grunted in a 'you're loss' manner before fishing the eyeball out of his and sucking it lazily.

For a little while their was silence as Hades swirled his drink and supped it.

'So..' Jafar finally sounded. '-when do I go on this date then?'

'Oh-hoh!' Hades smirked amused once more. 'Anxious are we?' His eyebrow cocked his brow at the former vizier who suddenly glared at the flaming deity.

'Hardly..' He sounded scornfully, privately hoping that things were going to pick up soon or he was going to start dreading his decision to let Hades pick out his dates. He just couldn't shake off the strange feeling that the fiery god was getting some kind of sick pleasure from setting him up with bad dates..

Hades merely tutted rolling his eyes then picked up the phone and dialled the number on rolodex card.

'Y'know, ya think a guy could just be grateful for a change..' He drawled waiting for an answer from the other end of the line.

* * *

A few days later Jafar found himself in a bizarre, yet bustling city. Judging by the architecture the former vizier was guessing this was some kind of Aztec town but from the way people were dressed he couldn't be sure on it.. As he gazed around, still unsure what to make of this strange urban settlement, a bulky man in a tight gold and navy outfit approached him, tapping the vizier's shoulder.

'Hey..' The burly tanned man flashed a white-toothed grin in his direction. '-you wouldn't be Jafar would you?' The vizier took in this man's great bulk, he could rival Gaston any day..

'I am indeed..' Jafar finally responded politely.

'Oh good..' The burly man sighed with relief. '-Yzma's expectin' you..' He suddenly leaned in. '-between you an' me pal she's little neurotic when it comes to time keeping so we better get moving.'

'Very well, lead the way..' Jafar paused realising that he didn't know the name of Yzma's right-hand man.

'Kronk..' The man supplied leading Jafar down the street.

'Right..' The vizier sounded making a mental note to remember that.

'Jafar..' Yzma drawled, her wide eyes lighting up at the sight of the former vizier. Jafar on the other hand was trying to mask the look of shock that was threatening to break across his face. Yzma was dressed in a vivid pink sparkly dress complete with one of her infamously-long headdress/wig things, the former advisor was sure he'd heard she was bald in reality. His dark eyes ran wordlessly over her stick thin figure and her hideously wrinkly visage… _what the hell makes Hades think I'd be attracted to her_… he thought while repressing a shudder, it would be impolite to do so as he was in her own home…

…_her home?_ Jafar wanted to escape while he had the chance, this date had bad vibes written all over it. _Who hosts a first date in their own home?_

Here, lemmie just get that for ya buddy..' Kronk suddenly pulled out the chair at the long dinner table and shoved Jafar into it with surprising force. Yzma's right-hand man then slapped his back and chuckled. '-don't look so scared Jafar, she's not so bad when you get to know her.. Now-' Kronk suddenly turned serious. '-can I get'cha a drink?'

'That would be most welcome.' Jafar sounded politely nodding his head with a twisted smile.

'Kronk..' Yzma suddenly sounded turning to her dim-witted man servant. '-can I have a word.' Kronk beamed at his mistress and approached her.

'Did you remember the vile?' She asked in a hushed whisper so that Jafar wouldn't hear them.

'The vile… right..' Kronk sounded with a leer. '-the vile of love potion… the vile of love potion for Jafar… especially picked out so that he will fall had over heels for you..' Kronk paused. '-that vile?'

'Yes Kronk..' Yzma's face turned momentarily purple in frustration. '-that vile.'

'Got it right here Yzma..' He smirked pulling the vile of pink liquid out of his front pocket.

'Oh good… now slip it into his drink..' She sighed with relief. '-and for the love of god be _discreet_!' She added before laughing nervously and turning to Jafar who was studying them with a raised brow.

'Servants…' She sounded brushing it off. '-you know how it is..'

There was a short pause of silence.

Then Jafar chuckled amused.

'Heh, this is why I don't have them anymore.. They're such a liability.' Yzma smiled at this.

'I couldn't live without one, I'd be totally lost..' She then turned to her servant who was pouring out the crimson wine into glasses. 'Kronk, Jafar needs his _drink_..' She sounded in a hinted tone. Kronk turned and winked at her with a knowing look.

'Right..' He sounded in the same hinted tone before turning back to the drinks and pouring a few drops into one of the glasses then hiding the heart-shaped cloud that bubbled forth from it. He then placed them all on a tray and approached Jafar. Kronk had just made to offer Jafar the drink when the vizier sniffed the air.

'Is something burning..' He sounded his dark brow twisted into a frown. Kronk suddenly looked alarmed and dumped his tray on the table.

'My spinach puffs!' He cried out before dashing out to the kitchen. The moment he was gone Yzma let out a long groan.

'Oohh, I _hate_ his spinach puffs..' She sounded exasperated rubbing her brows.

'Then why don't you just tell him.' Jafar suggested causing her to look up and frown.

'I have..' Yzma said irritably. '-half a dozen times but he's like talking to a monkey, a big stupid monkey called _Kronk_..' She slammed her bony fist off the table moodily.

'I see..' Jafar sounded. '-so… why do you keep him around?'

'Because he's under contract for five years..' Yzma sighed dismayed. '-I'm telling you it's the last time I chose body over brains..'

The two villains were suddenly interrupted by Kronk who burst in with a platter of steaming hot spinach puffs.

'I saved them!' He announced proudly. Jafar didn't look as though he cared whether they were burnt or not and Yzma was trying not to look sick.

'Oh joy..' She uttered sarcastically under her breath. Kronk didn't appear to be listening as he dished out the starter.

'Um… Kronk..' Yzma said causing him to pause. '-the drinks..'

'Oh..' The burly man servant sounded then threw her a sly grin. '-_riiight_..' He then turned to the drinks and paused, realising that he couldn't remember which drink had the love potion in it. Kronk then swept them up again and carted them off to the bar. Yzma smacked her forehead with frustration.

Jafar on the other hand merely watched him for a moment, his eyes wide with disbelief. The vizier them turned back to Yzma who smiled at him.

'He's a bizarre fellow isn't he..' He remarked slightly amused. '-he's what… in his late twenties?' Yzma flushed slightly.

'I-I'm really not sure..' She rubbed her arms uncomfortably… _why did he have to stare at her in that judgemental manner?_ '-I suppose I just like something to look at… it can be awfully lonely as a villain y'know..'

There was another pause then Jafar suddenly flashed her a snake-like smile.

'That is very true my dear..' He sounded warmly causing Yzma to relax. '-it's not easy being despised is it?'

'No, sometimes I don't think those nice toons have any idea how hard it is being on our side…' Yzma smiled. '-you need your guard up at all times, after all you can't trust just anybody..'

'Precisely..' Jafar nodded in agreement.

'-and you've got to be careful who you hire as help, you never know when you'll be betrayed..'

'Exactly what I was going to add my dear..' The vizier interjected and Yzma sighed.

'It does make socializing very difficult..'

'Tremendously difficult.'

'Y'know Jafar..' Yzma sounded turning to the vizier again. '-I always thought a villain had to be alone. That was just how it was meant to be, but seeing Hades and his wife together made me realise that maybe we don't have to face the world alone..'

Kronk suddenly appeared beside Jafar holding out a glass of red wine.

'Here you are buddy..' Jafar took the glass without a word but glared at being addressed as 'buddy'..

'I propose a toast..' Yzma beamed taking her glass. '-to new beginnings!' Her attention was diverted by Kronk making choking noises and gesturing to the glasses.

'Don't… drink… potion..' He uttered between rasps. Yzma then realised he'd had to put potion in all the glasses so she tossed hers into the nearest plant as Kronk pretended to drink his. Jafar on the other hand studied the contents of his drink before taking a large draught.

Then everything blacked out…

* * *

Voices came to Jafar out of the blackness surrounding him.

'A monkey!' Yzma's voice was screeching. 'Kronk you over-grown imbecile! He's not supposed to be a monkey!'

'Well in my defence Yzma, you forgot to re-label your potions so it was kinda hard for me to tell the viles apart.'

'Oohh! Now what am I supposed to tell him when he comes to?'

'You better think of something fast Yzma, he's starting to move..'

Jafar groaned and felt his forehead, it was giving off a dull ache, then he sat up and stretched out.

'What happened?' He sounded bemused focusing on Yzma who seemed to be much taller than he remembered. She seemed to be staring at him in disbelief.

'Oh… um… well the thing is Jafar, there was this little mix up and.. um..' She paused trying to think how best to soften the blow. '-you sort of, got turned into a monkey..' She winced waiting for the irruption and the monkey-vizier did not disappoint.

'_What?_' He roared suddenly leaping off the chair and running towards the mirror. He stopped and scowled at the reflection. It looked as though Abu was looking back at him from the other side… only this particular version of Abu was dressed in his red and black robes. 'Oh great..' He drawled watching the monkey in the mirror pull his usual sarcastic sneer. '-now I look like the street-rat's flea-ridden little friend..'

'Don't worry Jafar..' Yzma sounded anxiously. '-I can fix this..'

'How..' The monkey-vizier drawled pulling a grim expression which looked adorable on his little face.

'To the Secret Lab!' She declared loudly.

* * *

'Why do you even have that lever?' The soaking wet monkey-vizier sounded beating off an alligator that was attached to his tail and stomping over to Yzma who grinned sheepishly.

'I have no idea..' She replied as Kronk pulled the next lever. This time what appeared to be a roller-coaster car appeared and all three got in with Jafar sat on Yzma's lap.

'_Please keep your arms and legs in the car at all times..'_ A male voice announced then suddenly Jafar's tiny stomach lurched as they shot off at and incredible speed down the single track… he'd always hated roller-coasters… the tiny monkey-vizier gripped the hand rail for dear life as he was frozen in terror, Yzma kept a stern expression but Kronk was cheering and waving his arms around like one of those roller-coaster fanatics at theme parks.

'Woo… c'mon guys, wave your hands in the air!'

Finally after a few loops the ride stopped at the bottom and both Yzma and Kronk were dressed in their lab outfits. It took a while to pry the shaking monkey-vizier off of the hand-rail as he had wrapped himself and his long tail tightly around it.

'Alright..' Yzma sounded as Kronk sat Jafar on the table. '-now I should have the vile to change you back somewhere on this shelf..' She squinted at the rows and rows of pink viles.

Jafar meanwhile, had spotted a large brown bag in the corner of the room.

'What's in that?' He asked as something stirred inside it. Yzma looked around and frowned at her man servant.

'Kronk.. I thought I told you to deal with Kuzco before Jafar arrived?'

'Uhh..' Kronk shrugged guiltily. '-must've slipped my mind.'

'Well go and deal with him _now_!' She snarled.

'Right away Yzma..' Kronk replied saluting then went over and picked up the bag with the emperor in it and left singing some kind of bizarre tune.

'Oh Allah…' The tiny monkey on the table rolled his eyes scornfully. '-he's singing his own theme music..'

'If you think that's bad you should hear his snoring..' Yzma commented dryly still rifling through the viles. 'Ah-hah!' She sounded finally pulling the vile she was looking for off the shelf. 'Here it is..' Yzma turned to Jafar and passed him the vile.

Jafar popped off the cork and downed the contents of the vile smacking his lips. Then suddenly the former vizier was back to his old self once more still perched on the end of the table.

'I..I'm really sorry about all this Jafar..' Yzma flashed him a nervous smile but the vizier merely smiled at her.

'Believe it or not Yzma… this is not the worst date I have ever been on..' Jafar then got off the table and bowed to her. '-but I'm afraid I must go now. Tonight was… interesting..'

'Well, that's one way to put it..' She smiled slightly embarrassed.

'Goodnight my dear..' He sounded then with out another word he vanished in a puff of red smoke. Yzma didn't have much time to reflect on her date when Kronk burst in out of breath.

'Yzma, Kuzco got away…'

'Well come on then, we've got to catch him before he gets to his friend Pacha!' Yzma frowned… _why can't he follow the simplest orders.._

* * *

'Hey, hey!' Hades' full blue lips turned into a sly smile as the screen from his Tartarus Vision disappeared. 'There he is… ya fancy a banana smoothie?' The fiery god offered Jafar a yellow drink. The vizier frowned at his so-called friend…

'No thank you..' He sounded bitterly, still suspecting that the god was spying on his dates. '-I think I'm just going to go home and rest, tonight was a little more lively than I expected..' He turned away intending to leave.

'Heh, heh, heh… don't blame ya buddy..' The fiery god sounded amused stretching out on his throne and taking a sip of the drink in his hand. '-ya must've had enough _monkeying_ around for one day, huh?'

Jafar paused in his tracks then turned back around to Hades.

'Hold on, are you getting some kind of sick pleasure out of this?' He shot an accusing glare at Hades who blinked innocently.

'Jaffy… babe…' He sounded in a tone of mock-hurt. '-I am insulted, I'm just trying to help ya find a woman… would I really be cruel enough to intentionally set ya up on bad dates just for my own entertainment?' Jafar sighed heavily..

'I'm sorry Hades… I guess it's just a little frustrating as all my dates seem to end badly..'

'Ahh don't worry buddy…' Hades waved his had dismissively. '-things are bound to pick up soon..' Jafar nodded smiling at his friend before vanishing in a puff of red smoke, heading home to rest after his rather interesting date…

Hades' face twisted into a devious leer as he slouched further into his throne… _not too soon I hope, this is the most fun I've had since the Peirithous came to visit…_

* * *

_Little Notes:_

_Hey Everybody, sorry about the lack of Persephone in this chap but she'll be back soon to stir things up and get her husband back on track… he' needs a good kick up the butt doesn't he?_

_Ok, if you've seen the film the Emperor's New Groove you'll get this chap, and you'll get what I mean about the whole palace with it's Aztec-ish design, I don't know what it really is that's why I don't really call it that…_

_Don't worry Disney Princess I haven't forgotten Ratigan I'm saving him for a later date as I've finally figured out where I can put him in.._

_Anyway, thanks for reading peeps…_

_Lot's of Love… Ditzy xXx_


	6. Well isn't this a Little too Nutty,,,

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_This chapter is dedicated to Angel-of-Darkness, thanks for the idea hun…_

_**Chapter Six:**__**Well isn't this a Little too Nutty…**_

'Aww, come on Mim..' Hades practically whined down the phone. '-why won'tcha go on a date with Jaffy?' There was a pause as the fiery god listened to the witch's response, his brow contorted into a frown.

'Ya don't like him?' Hades blinked a few times, 'Ah come on Mim, what's not to like? He's tall. dark, sinister-' Hades broke off as Mim interrupted him causing the fiery god to burst into laughter.

'-and needs a good slap round the jaw..' Hades repeated her words still snickering in amusement. 'Heh, ya'd kill me if I wasn't immortal babe..' Hades paused again then his eyes narrowed playfully as Madame Mim spoke.

'Oh-hoh! Just as well I'm a married god, heh, ya li'l minx… why I oughta lock ya in Tartarus for that..' Hades' grin widened momentarily before he turned the conversation back. '-but let's be serious for a sec huh babe, why don'tcha wanna go on a date with Jafar?'

Hades paused then a wide devious smirk snaked his large blue lips.

'Ooh, ya like someone else do ya?' He sounded in a teasing manner, perhaps there was a chance to negotiate something here…

'Mimsie…' Hades suddenly purred down the phone with an slick grin. '-my sweet little nutball…' Again Madame Mim interrupted Hades causing the god to actually flame a brief orange shade.

'_Whadda ya mean no!_' The god snarled down the phone before controlling his flash of temper. 'Ya haven't even heard my proposal yet..'

Another pause before Hades spoke seriously.

'Look babe, if ya tell me who ya got the hots for and I'll make it happen-' He broke off and pulled the phone away from his ear as a loud screaming cackle of excitement came from the other end of the line… after a moment he put the phone back to his ear.

'Oh don't thank me just yet Mimsie..' Hades sounded checking his nails with a lazy grin. '-if I do this for ya, ya gotta do somethin' for me..' The fiery god raised a brow while smirking at her response to this.

'Heh..' His yellow eyes narrowed. '-that's right…' Hades' smirk widened sinisterly before he instantly brightened. 'So, who my settin' ya up with babe..'

There was a pause as Madame Mim revealed who it was she liked causing Hades' yellow eyes to widen like saucers.

'No way! He'll never go for it!' Hades snickered then his smile was wiped clean off his face at Madame Mim's response. 'Ok, ok, what if we get him drunk..' The fiery god paused at this thought then added, '-really, _really_ drunk…' He paused again reconsidering the scenario before shrugging exaggeratedly. '-then I think ya got a shot..' He then pulled the phone away from his ear at another cackling scream of laughter…

* * *

Jafar sighed heavily as he prepared himself for his date. He ignored the gnawing pit in his stomach, trying to convince himself that it was just nerves and not the fact that he was starting to dread these dates that Hades was sending him on. So far he had failed to find a woman after being on only three dates, Jafar wasn't discourages by this, after all he had to go on a few dates before he got into the swing of things. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if the fiery god was taking this seriously or not…

He didn't want to believe that Hades was getting some sort of kick out of setting him up on these dates but his instincts told him otherwise. Jafar had always trusted his instincts however, since Hades was an old friend the vizier was giving him the benefit of the doubt… for now, anyway..

Jafar decided that this next date would be the decider… if it went ok he would put his terrible dates down to a run of bad luck, if not… a snake-like smirk crossed the vizier's grim face… well, then he would just have to call for a little assistance from a certain white-skinned goddess… but hopefully, he wouldn't have to resort to calling Hades' wife to sort out their issues, what were they… _five_?

The vizier then cleared his head and picked up the scroll that had been delivered by the imps that morning, containing the details for his next date… he wasn't sure what to think as he unfurled it and skimmed the details that were written in Hades' untidy scrawl..

He blinked confused then peered closer double checking the location of the date…_a_ _forest_ _picnic_… yes, he'd read it raised a brow intrigued… what kind of villainess wanted to go for a picnic..?

Well, there was only one way to find out..

Jafar appeared in the designated area of the forest and looked around, it wasn't quite what he had been expecting… in fact he was pleasantly surprised. The forest was dark and gloomy as a thick, coverage of leaves that blotted out the sunshine. There were no pretty flowers growing, instead there were a selection of sinister twisted bushes and dark distorted shadows made this area look very attractive from a villainous prospective. In the middle of the wide clearing was a neatly made up picnic with a couple of long red candles for mood lighting…

…but where was his date?

The vizier cast his dark eyes around the large empty clearing curiously, perhaps she was going to make a dramatic entrance…

The next second there was a large puff of pink smoke and the sound of silvery singing that made the vizier's eyebrows shoot up interested… then out of the smoke a tall slim figure appeared out of it, giggling girlishly at his expression. She turned and batted her thickly lashed green eyes… Jafar's look suddenly twisted into a look of dread..

_Uh-oh__…_

She flashed him a wide mischievous smile from her thin red lips..

_Now way__…_

Then the tall pretty woman grabbed the ends of her long purple hair-

_Hades wouldn__'t…_

-yanking them incredibly hard and in a flash the woman's appearance melted away revealing the true identity of his date… _yup, he had.._

_Oh Hades this is a new low… even for you.._

Madame Mim clapped her hands excitedly at the shocked expression on Jafar's face.

'Oh-hoh-hoh, not what you were expecting eh Jaffy…' She cackled wildly while the vizier slipped his hand discreetly into the pocket of his robes, he hoped he could grab the vile of Vanishing Potion and bail on this date before Mim realised he was gone… unfortunately the vizier had no such luck as the plump little witch turned her eyes to him.

'What are you doing?' She asked shrewdly and Jafar whipped his hand out of his pocket throwing what he hoped was a look of pure innocence… however judging by Madame Mim's reaction to it.. it might have just been more of a guilty sneer.

'Oh fine..' Madame Mim pouted. '-don't tell me…' She paused before smirking again. '-I'll just find out for myself..' The tiny witch then leapt on Jafar who cried out stunned.

'Hey..' He sounded slapping Madame Mim's hands away. 'What are you trying to do..'

'He-he… don't be shy Jafar..' The witch cackled. 'I won't bite… unless ya want me too!' She continued to frisk the vizier playfully before finally managing to fish the offending item out of his robes.

'A Vanishing Potion?' She sounded momentarily stunned by the sight of it before recovering and smiling at the vizier. 'Ooh, you naughty boy…' The witch waggled her finger at him. '-your not getting away from me that easily..' Madame Mim sounded turning to her picnic and deposited Jafar's potion in the basket.

The vizier cursed inwardly.

'Now..' Madame Mim smiled at Jafar. '-let's have our picnic shall we..'Jafar mentally slapped himself, how was he going to get out of this hellish date now.. The vizier watched as Madame Mim conjured up a pitcher of punch and two glasses..

_Think Jafar, think__… _The vizier twirled his goatee thoughtfully. .._there's got to be a way to get out the vile back… _Then instantly and idea hit Jafar and he narrowed his eyes diabolically.

'I have a better idea..' The vizier said causing Mim to pause from pouring their drinks. '-let's play a game..'

'Ooh-hoo, I love games!' The witch shrieked with delight and bounced to her feet eagerly. 'What did you have in mind?' Mim was still bobbing up and down like an excitable child.

'Why, Hide and Seek of course..' Jafar sounded quietly still smiling his snake-like leer.

'Perfect!' Mim clapped her hands excitably. 'I'll hide first… close your eyes and count to a hundred..'

'Very well…' Jafar sounded amused and closed his eyes. 'One… two…' The dim-witted Madame Mim beamed then vanished in a shimmer of stars to go hide.

The moment she was gone Jafar smirked.

'..miss a few… ninety-nine.. a hundred.' Jafar opened his eyes and looked around the empty and blissfully quiet forest. 'Ahh… peace at last..' The vizier sighed. His smirk widened as his dark eyes turned to the unguarded picnic basket. Now all he had to do was grab the vile and get out of this wretched date before Mim realised that he wasn't coming to look for her.. Pulling the basket to him Jafar opened it and began to sift through the contents searching for the vile.

'Where is it? Where is that blasted vile..' He uttered irritably to himself. After a further few moments of rifling through the basket a voice spoke,

'Looking for this..'

Jafar spun around to see Madame Mim standing there with his vile of Vanishing Potion tin her stubby little fingers, she was scowling at him now.

'You never had any intention of coming to look for me did you Jafar..' The witch snarled irritably.

'Now Madame, it's not what you think-' Jafar started but was cut off.

'You thought you'd just slip away while I was hidden?' She shot accusingly at him.

'Ok..' The vizier drawled shrugging. '-so it's _exactly_ what you think..'

'Well, if you want this then your going to have to face me in a Wizard's Doom!' She proclaimed angrily and pocketing the vile so it was safe.

'What?' Jafar sounded outraged. 'Are you mad woman… I'm not facing you in a Wizard's Doom-'

'Ooh, you chicken Jafar…' She cackled amused then morphed into a big pink chicken with purple hair and began to cluck goading him.

Jafar grinded his teeth infuriated by the display.. He wasn't about to let some second-rate half-mad witch get the better of him…

'Fine… I accept, but don't think I'll go easy on you just 'cause you're a woman!' The vizier snarled. Madame Mim changed back smirking satisfied by this..

* * *

'Ok…' Mim sounded a few moments later after the picnic had been cleared away and the two sorcerer's were stood back-to-back. '-we need to set some ground rules. Rule one: No Microscopic Beings… I learnt my lesson with Merlin, I had to spend a week in bed with a hole in my roof that let in the sunshine-' She suddenly turned to Jafar and screeched. '-and I hate sunshine! I _hate _sunshine! I _hate _horrible old _sunshine-_'

'Mim..' Jafar sounded sternly turning to glance back at the witch.

'Oh right..' She said turning back around and getting back to the rules of the duel. 'Rule Two: No other rules… we're villains we'll just end up breaking them.'

'Touché my dear..' Jafar nodded smirking and knowing it was the truth.

'Alright, weapons out.' Mim sounded whipping out her wand as Jafar clutched his snake staff more securely. 'Backs together.' She commanded again and the two villains straightened like soldiers preparing to battle. They then began to count as they paced away from each other. On the sixth pace both villains whipped back around and pointed their weapons at each other…

…and the Wizard's Doom began..

Jafar acted first, shooting a blast of electricity out of his snake staff but Madame Mim merely twirled around and disappeared to avoid it. She reappeared behind the vizier's back and retaliated by turning into a large pink crocodile and snapping at his head. Jafar ducked but was not fast enough to save his turban which was snapped up in her sharp-pointed teeth.

'Oh, now it's personal..' The bald-headed vizier snarled narrowing his eyes angrily and he twirled his snake staff, sending a long rope than instantly bound itself around the witch. For a moment Madame Mim struggled to throw off the rope, then she suddenly morphed into a fox shook off the rope and zigzagged towards Jafar avoiding the blasts of red light he shot at her.

When the vizier finally realised this wasn't going to stop her he twirled his staff high in the air causing a circle of swords to drop trapping her. Mim looked around for an escape route but couldn't see one. For a brief moment it looked as though Madame Mim had been defeated then she suddenly began to transform into something large, scaly and purple…

For a moment Jafar looked curiously at as the witch grew a long neck and large scaly wings then when he realised what she was changing into he sighed rolling his eyes..

'Why is it both you and Maleficent that like dragons so much?' The vizier drawled unimpressed before dodging the large blast of fire that Madame Mim shot at him in response.

Jafar raised his snake staff to shoot another blast at Madame Mim but she shot another breath of fire in his direction… the vizier dived to avoid the fireball then hide in a ditch to evade further fiery attacks…

…this was ridiculous! He didn't even want to be on this stupid date in the first place…

'Come out and face me Jafar..' Madame Mim called as the ground beneath her feet trembled with her massive scaly feet. '-you yellow-bellied snake!'

Jafar's eyes widened in shock for a moment.

'A snake am I?' He muttered offended then began to morph. 'Well let me show you just how much of a snake I can be!' The vizier's eyes narrowed as they changed red and glowed just like the rubies on his snake staff. He began to grow in size turning into a massive python.

Madame Mim roared angrily as she caught sight of the snake-vizier. Jafar turned his large snake head and hissed angrily back at the large pink dragon. Madame Mim snorted sending a wave of fire in his direction but Jafar, having no bodily bones, dodged it easily merely by swivelling his head. Rising further off the ground so he was now standing as tall as the dragon Madame Mim, Jafar's head twisted and turned back and forth as he hissed angrily. Gauging his aim the snake-vizier then lunged at the dragon witch coiling himself around her and squeezing hard. Madame Mim began to cough and splutter, slowly changing back to her original form.

'Ok, enough…' She choked as the breath was being squeezed from her. '-take it, just take the vile and tell Hades he can forget the deal..'

'What?' Jafar sounded confused then began to change back into his normal form so he now had Madame Mim in a headlock. 'What deal?' The vizier let go of the plump witch who rubbed her neck.

'Hades promised to set me up with Captain Hook if I agreed to go out with you first..' Madame Mim replied then sighed clasping her hands together with a loved-up far-away look. 'Heh, I've always had a thing for men in boots..' She continued to look far off for a moment, still swooning over the Captain of the Jolly Rodger.

Jafar began to contorted with rage and his face turned purple, so Hades _was_ getting a kick out of this…

'How could that jumped up Ruler of the Underworld do this to me?' Madame Mim seemed to come out of her daydream at Jafar's outburst.

'Meh, he's a villain… what did you expect.' She shrugged pulling the vile out of her pocket and tossing it to him. '-here, why don't you go bother someone who cares..' The witch sniffed in disapproval.. Jafar instantly tossed the vile on the ground at his feet vanishing in a puff of red smoke and still venting with fury.. Madame Mim pulled a picture of Captain Hook out nowhere and began eyeing it fondly.

'Ooh-hoo… not long now my pretty…' She uttered kissing the picture…

* * *

…'_Hades!_' Jafar's angry voice broke the silence of the Underworld.

Hades sat up straight in shock, knocking his bowl of worms off the side of his throne.

_Oh crap__… _

Waving his hand the Tartarus Vision vanished in a curl of smoke but before the Lord of the Underworld could even think of making a break for it an enraged Jafar appeared and seized him by the neck of his robes.

'Jaffy, babe…' Hades drawled flashing a wide grin. '-your back early…so, uh, how'd the date go?'

'Oh it was fine…' Jafar drawled in a pleasant tone despite the fact his grip tightened on the god's chiton. '-until I found out that not _only_ was it Madame Mim who I _specifically_ said I did _not_ want to date, the reason she was going out with me was so _you would set her up with Captain Hook!_' The vizier roared but Hades merely continued to smile unperturbed by this.

'Your point being..' The god drawled releasing Jafar's grip on his chiton then smoothing out the wrinkles. Jafar frowned at his so-called friend before a smirk appeared on his face..

'Hades..' He spoke in the same kind of tone as a doctor trying to soften the blow to a dying patient. '-not only did you disregard what I told you, you also broke a promise to your own wife… how do you think she'll feel when she finds out?' He raised his brow flashing a devious leer..

'You wouldn't dare..' Hades sounded darkly and suddenly glared turning a light shade of orange. Jafar turned around threw back his head and bellowed at the top of his lungs..

'_Persephone!_'

The next second there a swirl of white orbs came through the ceiling of the throne room and the Queen of the Underworld materialized out of them.

'Uh, this better be important guys I left mother dealing with spring and if I go for too long she'll have it all cutesy and icky..' Persephone shuddered at the thought before catching sight of Jafar's enraged face and blinked bemused. 'Ohh kay… what's going on…'

'_Your_ husband-' Jafar instantly spoke jabbing an accusing finger towards Hades before the fiery god could try and smooth talk Persephone. '-is getting a kick out of setting me up on bad dates just for his own entertainment!'

'Hades..' Persephone scowled placing her hands on her hips. '-is this true?'

'Yes…' The god drawled, pouting like a moody child. '-but I can explain.. It's very boring down here!' Persephone rolled her eyes.

'I don't care Hades..' She frowned. '-Jafar is your friend, how could you treat him this way..?'

'Very easily..' The god sounded flashing his wife a grin.

'Uh, your not even taking this seriously, are you?' The goddess' eyes narrowed accusingly.

'Not in the slightest baby..' Hades purred at her causing Jafar to glare even harder at the god.

'Fine..' Persephone sounded then turned to the former vizier. '-then I'll help you find a woman Jafar..'

'What?' Hades sounded, his eyes widening in shock then he slid off his throne and kneeled at his wife hugging her waist pleadingly. 'Sephy, ya can't do this to me!'

'Oh sweetie..' Persephone sounded smirking amused and tore his arms off her. '-I'm not taking this away from you, I'm just helping out..' The goddess then linked arms with Jafar and the two began walking away. 'So tell me Jafar… what do you look for in a woman?'

Hades frowned still kneeling on the stone floor… Fate dammit, now what was he supposed to do for entertainment around here…

* * *

_Little Notes:_

_Hey Everybody, please keep the reviews coming it's always appreciated…_

_As I said at the top, thanks to Angel for the idea, the whole chap did sort of form itself around that… so thanks again, hope you enjoyed it. The chapter title is a very well known Hermes line which sums up this chap perfectly…_

_I must admit I love writing one man conversations with Hades on the phone... although you don't read what's being said on the other end it's really entertaining! Plus the interaction between the characters in this chap was fun to write, especially Hades and Seph at the end… ooh, how are the dates going to go now that Persephone is helping out? Who will Jafar end up with? Until next time peeps…_

_Take Care… _

_Lot's of Love… Ditzy xXx_


	7. some Daughter's do have Them

_Ok, peeps this is yet another fanfic that I started writing out of boredom and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

* * *

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter Seven:**__**Some Daughter's Do have Them..**_

Persephone sighed fanning herself with the rolodex card containing the contact that the two Underworld deities had agreed would make a suitable date for Jafar.

'So, can I really trust you to set this up while I go see what damage my mother has done in my absence?' The white-skinned goddess raised an eyebrow towards her husband. The fiery god raised his brows and threw her a look of mock-hurt.

'Sephykins, babe… I can't believe ya had to even ask that..' Hades leant forward and took the card from his missus with a sigh. Persephone rolled her eyes affectionately when her husband pulled back. Ok, she wasn't giving him enough credit. After that little scene in the throne room with Jafar a few days ago, Hades had really knuckled done and started taking the whole matchmaking thing seriously…

'Alright, alright..' Persephone slid of the end of his desk where she had been perched. '-just call her, arrange a date and don't get into any _funny_ business ok?'

'Funny business?' Hades inquired innocently and Persephone raised her brows.

'I know you too well mister..' She uttered suggestively. 'Now I've really got to go..' Persephone then bent towards her husband smiling.

'Say hi to mom for me..' Hades smirked.

'I will..' Persephone replied amused and the two began kissing. At least they were until Persephone orbed out mid-smooch causing Hades to roll his eyes with a dissatisfied grunt.

'I hate it when she does that..' He grumbled then turned towards his desk and picked up the phone. Sighing heavily Hades lifted the receiver and dialled the number, well he might as well get this over with now. The fiery god rolled his large golden orbs in disdain as the phone rang, this was going to be fun… _not!_ Lady Trimaine was about as much fun as the dead guys floating in the Styx and her sense of humour was practically non-existent… this made her the perfect match for Jafar…

Finally, after what must have been the tenth ring Lady Trimaine picked up the receiver.

'Hello..' She sounded in a cool distant voice as this had interrupted her from her important musings.

'Lady Trimaine..' Hades' voice oozed with oily charm from the other end.. Lady Trimaine shuddered with disgust at the sound of the Lord of the Dead's tone. '-how ya doin' babe?' The stern woman rolled her eyes with disbelief, wondering what this irrational god could possibly want..

'I don't have time for pointless chit-chat Hades..' Lady Trimaine sneered, deciding that manners were wasted on this god. '-just get to the point.'

'Heh, that's what I love about you babe, no messin' about just get straight on in there..' Hades chuckled weakly and Trimaine narrowed her eyes impatiently.

'Hades…' She sounded sternly. '-for the hundredth time stop calling me 'babe'..'

'_Fiiine_..' Hades drawled moodily as if this was going to be a problem. '-how about doll, ya like that better?'

'No..' Lady Trimaine frowned deeply.

'Perfect..' Hades grinned widely. '-'babe' it is.. so anyway, _baabe.._' Hades paused to savour Lady Trimaine's irritation which was practically burning down the phone line. '-the reason I was phoning is that Jafar is looking for a date and I thought that-'

'Oh my daughter Anastasia would be perfect..' Lady Trimaine cut off the fiery god who blinked stunned and speechless, a rarity for him.

'Nuh, nuh, nuh, no…' Hades' brain suddenly kicked in and snapped his mouth into gear. '-babe, I think you've got the wrong end of the lightning bolt I meant that-'

'My daughter will be so excited, she's dreaming of meeting her prince for so long..' Lady Trimaine sounded happily and Hades suddenly burst out into laughter at the idea of Jafar as someone's dream prince.

'Heh, heh, heh… hate to break it to ya babe, but Jafar is no prince charming..' The fiery god snickered.

'I know that!' Lady Trimaine sounded harshly. 'But he's a powerful man from a solid background and my daughter needs a firm husband..' She continued thinking that her daughter _really_ needed someone who could get her head out of the clouds.

'Whoa, whoa…' Hades sounded alarmed. '-this is just a date and I didn't mean-'

'Don't worry about a thing Hades..' Lady Trimaine sounded cheerfully. '-I'll arrange the date myself, goodbye..' Then without another word the stern woman hung up the phone.

For a long moment Hades merely sat slack-jawed in shock while the phone sat motionless in his hand… _What the hell had just happened?_

* * *

A few days later Jafar sighed heavily as he arrived at the fancy restaurant. This date was going to be expensive, suddenly Madame Mim's picnic date didn't seem like such an insane idea…

However curiosity was itching away at him, he wanted to know who he was being set up with now. The loopy writing on the letter telling him about the date was not Hades' writing and the fact that it hadn't been delivered by the two imps suggested that Persephone hadn't written it either. So who had sent him the note?

Jafar entered the restaurant inquisitively and, just as it had said in the letter, found the table booking had been made in his name. He was escorted to a table in the darkest gloomiest corner of the restaurant… things were definitely looking up.. A snake-like sneer twisted across Jafar's thin face as he settled down and waited for his date to arrive…

'But mother…' Anastasia whinged childishly. '-I don't want to go on a date with Jafar!'

'Don't be ridiculous,' Lady Trimaine snapped back at her daughter. '-Jafar's a fine man..'

'-but he's so old!' Anastasia sounded pouting.

'That just means he has experience child..'

'But-'

'Hold your tongue Anastasia!' Lady Trimaine sounded firmly as the chariot came to a halt. 'You need someone who will drum those pathetic visions of love out of your head, it's making you soft..' The two women then got off the coach and Lady Trimaine paid the fee.

'I still don't see why you couldn't just let Drizella go on the date with him, she actually likes Jafar..' Anastasia said thinking of her dark-haired sister who was now at home. Drizella had always had a huge crush on Jafar and was seething with jealousy at the fact her sister was getting the chance to go out with him.

'Oh stop looking for a way out of this.' Lady Trimaine sounded before giving her daughter the once over. 'Your no spring chicken Anastasia, you've got to settle for what you can get and you won't get much better than Jafar..' The red-headed Anastasia hung her head slightly at her mother's harsh words.

'Ok mother..' She sounded softly. '-I'll do it..'

'That's my girl..' Lady Trimaine beamed at her. 'now, remember Anastasia… grace and poise..' She then turned her daughter roughly towards the restaurant and the two of them walked in together…

* * *

Jafar blinked at the sight of Lady Trimaine and her red-headed daughter.

'Jafar..' Lady Trimaine sounded in a polite voice. '-it is so good to see you again.'

'I assure you Lady Trimaine, the pleasure is all mine..' Jafar sounded in an oily tone with a low bow. '-and you brought your daughter, how nice..'

Lady Trimaine laughed in amusement.

'Oh, how silly of me..' The stern woman sounded carelessly. '-Jafar, this is Anastasia… your date..'

'Hi..' Anastasia sounded smiling nervously at the former vizier who blinked in shock.

'But I thought-' Jafar sounded momentarily confused.

'That I was your date?' Lady Trimaine cackled. 'Oh heavens no.. I've had enough of men to last me a lifetime..' She smiled at him.

'I see..' Jafar sounded before turning to Lady Trimaine's daughter. 'Well then, I guess this would be for you..' He sounded holding out a single deep red rose to Anastasia who took it eagerly.

Lady Trimaine however frowned at it.

'Dispose of this thing at once Jafar..' She sounded as her daughter sniffed the rose. 'Anastasia's health is quite delicate..' Anastasia suddenly sneezed causing all the petals of the rose to blow off. '-I'm sure I mentioned it in my letter..'

'I don't recall seeing-' Jafar started.

'_Quite_ sure..' Lady Trimaine spoke harshly. Jafar rolled his eyes but caused the rose to vanish in a puff of red smoke.

'Well then..' Lady Trimaine sounded brightly. '-I'll just leave you to get to know each other..' she then threw her daughter a look which said 'don't screw this up' and headed towards another table that wasn't too far away…

* * *

As the night slowly dragged on this was turning into the most uncomfortable date that Jafar had ever been on. Anastasia seemed nice enough, a little clumsy but she was respectful and polite… however with her stern mother watching them like a hawk Jafar just couldn't relax..

'Just ignore her..' Anastasia sounded as their dessert finally arrived and Jafar flashed Lady Trimaine another glance. '-that's what I do..' She added brightly picking up her dessert fork and getting stuck into her sticky chocolate dessert.

'Why doesn't that surprise me..' Jafar sounded in a low voice turning back to Anastasia. There was another pause as Anastasia finished off her dessert then wiped her face demurely.

'I think I'll just go freshen up..' She sounded and got up out of her seat.

Unfortunately Anastasia wasn't watching what was happening around her and bumped into a passing waiter. The large platter that the waiter had been carrying them flew up into the air as both he and Anastasia fell to the ground.

'Oh I'm so sorry..' The red-headed Trimaine sounded apologetically to the waiter as he sat up...

* * *

…Meanwhile, the large silver platter flew in the direction of a group of rodents which consisted of a few mice, one peg-legged bat and a large well-dressed rat. The group were all out celebrating Professor Rattigan's birthday..

'-here's to Rattigan, the world's greatest-' The rest of the group's toast was cut off as the large patter covered them all in muck.

'My birthday is ruined!' Rattigan screeched out after a moment of shock. 'Completely destroyed!'

'Oh shut up you filthy rat..' Lady Trimaine, who was passing at that moment sounded cruelly before disappearing off to see that her daughter was alright. Rattigan gasped out in a mixture of disbelief and shock before sinking down wounded by her words.

'Don't worry Boss..' The peg-legged bat named Fidget sounded. '-we'll get you all cleaned up..'

'No…' Rattigan sounded softly. '-it's too late now..'

'What do you mean Boss..' One of the mice piped up and Rattigan turned to him.

'Oh my dear Reginald, I'm afraid that she's gone and upset meh..' The rat sounded dramatically as his eyes then narrowed and his hand enclosed around the mouse's throat. '-and you _know_ what happens when someone upsets meh..'

* * *

…'Anastasia!' Lady Trimaine sounded in a worried tone as she approached her daughter. 'Are you alright child?'

'I'm fine mother..' Anastasia sounded smiling at her mother.

'And you..' Lady Trimaine snarled, rounding on the waiter who flinched at her steely gaze. '-why weren't you watching were your going?'

'But she bumped into me-' The waiter barely got out before Lady Trimaine snorted.

'An unlikely story..' She glared. 'Just wait until I speak to your manager!'

In amongst the chaos Jafar had managed to pay the bill and appeared beside Anastasia who was watching her mother make a mountain out of a mole-hill.

'Well, this night has been interesting but I'm afraid I'll have to be leaving now..'

'Oh..' Anastasia sounded turning to him with a nervous smile. 'Alright… I'm uh… sorry about my mother, she's just a little over-protective..'

'Clearly..' Jafar sounded glancing over at Lady Trimaine who was now ranting at the manager about the appalling service in his restaurant. 'Well take care my dear..' Jafar sounded with a small bow to her.

'Bye Jafar..' She smiled waving him off as he vanished in a whirl of red smoke.. Anastasia could see now why her sister Drizella liked him so much but she still didn't go for that sort of thing..

_

* * *

_

Little Notes:

_Hey Everybody, thank you so much for all the reviews, they always mean so much and any suggestions are welcome for ideas or dates but there are only a few left and I'm proud to say I've saved the best for last, now that Persephone is on board the real matchmaking can begin… even if it doesn't go quite according to plan…_

_Hope you like the little inset with Rattigan peeps, especially Disney Princess who asked me for it a little while back but I was saving it for this date because it fit so nicely..._

_Hope you'll tune in for the next date… what could possibly go wrong?_

_Take Care…_

_Lot's of Love… Ditzy xXx_


	8. There's Something kinda 'Fishy' going On

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

* * *

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter Eight:**__**There's Something kinda 'Fishy' going On**_

'Are you sure this is a good idea sweetie..' Persephone asked concerned following her husband down the hallway. '-I mean, you know how full on she is… won't she freak Jafar out?' Hades then stopped in his tracks and chuckled amused by these words.

'Oh my sweet naïve little Sephykins..' The fiery god drawled smiling at his adorable little wife, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close to him. He then tapped her nose and continued, '-I think I know Jafar a _little_ better than you do..'

'Well… if your certain that they'll get along then ok..' Persephone smiled widely as her hand slid around his middle. '-I'll call her this afternoon while you and the imps are out on Soul Detain in Tartarus.'

Hades eyes narrowed with pleasure and at twisted smirked to himself as they walked along the darkened corridor towards the throne room… he'd promised his wife that he'd only set Jafar up with women who wanted to date the vizier… and _oh boy_, had this villainess been hassling him to get Jafar on a date with her ever since she'd heard he was looking for some lovin'… Hah, Hades couldn't wait to hear how this date was going to go, this full bodied woman was a total man-eater.. _Good luck Jaffy, your gonna need it_… Hades thought sniggering to himself causing Persephone to blink at him confused..

'What's so funny?' She asked him causing Hades to blink surprised, not realising he had been laughing out loud.

'Oh..' He sounded clearing his throat and smiling innocently. '-it's nothing babe, don'tcha worry your pretty little head about a thing..'

Persephone frowned slightly at the slightly condescending tone he spoke with but remained silent… _what was he so happy about?_

* * *

Jafar eyed the writing on the card suspiciously. The rounded neat letters and slightly flowery scent issuing from the scroll said to him that Persephone had arranged this date, he felt slightly relieved by this fact… perhaps for once it might go smoothly. The grim vizier then turned his attention to the particulars of the date… an afternoon by the sea-side. Oh great, so now he was going to have to spend the afternoon on some god-forsaken beach, like he didn't see enough sand in the desert. He hoped the beach would at least be deserted, the last thing Jafar wanted was to be sat near some snot-nosed little punk that was building a sand-castle… the vizier shook with disgust at the memory of the last time that had happened.

_The small boy who had been building the sand castle stared at the bizarre man sitting nearby in a shady spot drinking out of his flask and scowling as though he wasn't enjoying himself. Jafar caught him watching and threw the nosy little brat his best 'stop staring if you want your eyes to remain in their sockets' look. The boy merely blinked at him in response… great, just great… just how he wanted to spend his afternoon, being gawped at by a child who was clearly mentally retarded!_

_Jafar then chose to ignore the brat hoping that once he realised that there was nothing interesting about some grouchy old vizier drinking in the shade he'd go right back to playing in the muck like the filthy little urchin he was.. However the vizier was horrified as the next moment the little boy got up, dropped his spade and began to wander over to him._

_Oh for the love or Allah, this little kid was just too much… Jafar scowled as the little boy reached him._

'_Hey mister..' The little boy said. '-how come your sat here in the shade?'_

'_Because..' Jafar sounded with a bored sneer. '-I don't want to sit in the sun.'_

'_Why not?'_

'_Because I hate the sun..' Jafar rolled his eyes wishing the little brat would just get lost. There was a pause as the boy looked him up and down curiously, taking in his large turban and floor length robes._

'_Don't you think you're a little over dressed for the beach?' He finally spoke._

'_No!' Jafar snapped. 'Isn't there anybody else you can irritate? Like your parents!' Then right on cue…_

'_Thomas!' a woman's voice sounded. 'Get away from that awful man!'_

'_Finally…' Jafar drawled rolling his eyes as the little urchin went back to his mother who scolded him for talking to the sinister looking man… then his eyes narrowed in disgust as he caught the end of the woman's lecture,_

'_-for all you know he could have been a paedophile!' The vizier bristled with insult…_

'_Oh please..' Jafar drawled to himself while scowling at her. '-I'd rather just kill the brat..'_

Jafar pulled his mind back into the present and sighed as he picked up his staff from beside the table where it had been sat. He then vanished into a puff of red smoke with a sombre expression.

* * *

Jafar appeared at the designated area to find the area was deserted… good, at least this time he might actually enjoy this trip to the beach. It was a little misty but he wasn't too worried about that as it all added to the eerie tranquillity of an abandoned beach. The vizier perched himself on a large rocky boulder and waited to see who his date was going to be…

After a few moments the mist swirled as the wind began to pick up, then out of the hazy fog a glowing shell appeared followed by a slender woman with long brown hair and pale peachy skin. She smiled sweetly at Jafar humming her strange mystical tune… Jafar on the other hand felt a small feeling of anxiety. He knew this woman, it was Vanessa… or at least, that was her human alias..

Vanessa continued her humming as her navy dress blew in the wind, after a few turns she perched herself next to the vizier and finally stopped humming her Siren-like tune.. And smiled a wide smirk as her looks transformed, her body filled out and her dress changed from navy blue material to black slimy skin and eight long thick tentacles. Her brown hair shrank and turned white as her pale skin returned to it's normal lilac. Her wide ruby smirk widened at the look on Jafar's face, it was a look that plainly read 'oh dear sweet Persephone, why do you mock me?'..

'Hello loverboy..' Ursula purred in a sultry voice as two of her tentacles began to wind their way around his torso. Jafar frowned and slapped them off..

'Ursula..' The vizier sounded keeping a wary eye on her tentacles which were already creeping back across him. '-perhaps we should get to know each other before we enter any kind of _physical _relationship.' Once more he slapped the tentacles off of him, by Allah… couldn't this woman keep her tentacles to herself for five minutes.

'Yes…' The sea witch drawled pulling her red lipstick and a pocket mirror out of nowhere. '-I suppose the formalities of a date must be endured..' She rolled her eyes as though this was going to be a nuisance and then sighed snapping her fingers causing both of them to vanish on the spot.

They reappeared in a dank grotto which, judging by the fact that the water in a pool nearby was rippling with the tide of the sea, was a large cavern in the rocky cliff by the beach. There were candles everywhere, creating a gloomy sense of mood lighting. Ursula had perched herself on a large flat rock near a large stony table surface where a bottle of wine and two glasses. She poured them each a glass of the thick red liquid then picked up one of the glasses and offered it to Jafar.

'Can I offer you a drink Jafar..' She smiled sweetly at him. The vizier looked wary for a moment before he stepped forward and took the glass, sitting down opposite her. As the sea witch took a draught of her own glass the vizier merely looked at his before tossing it onto the ground behind him. If he was going to be stuck in a cavern with a strange sea creature who was throwing him the kind of looks that suggested she'd like nothing better than to eat him alive, he was going to need his wits about him.

Ursula was giving him that hungry leer again… what under earth had those two Underworld deities been inhaling when they thought he would want to go on a date with this witch? Ok, so Ursula was a great villainess, no question and if memory served him correctly she had had a little trouble with some headstrong mermaid a while back, but she could scare any man away with that ravenous smirk…

'So, how have your previous dates been?' Ursula sounded conversationally. 'Persephone tells me you have been on a few..' She smiled wider and edged a little closer, it wasn't missed by the vizier.

'Let's just say..' Jafar drawled not wishing to remember some of the details. '-that I haven't had a lot of luck on these things so far..' Ursula set down her glass then clasped her hands together.

'Oh you poor unfortunate soul..' She sounded pouting. 'Perhaps you just haven't found someone who understands you..'

'Perhaps not..' Jafar agreed noticing that the witches tentacles were frisking him again.

'Well that's why I'm here…' She grinned widely as her tentacles travelled upwards. '-to make it all better..' The sea witch crooned softly causing Jafar to stiffen and clutch his snake-staff even tighter…

'Ursula please..' Jafar sounded stiffly. '-keep those slimy things to yourself..' He slapped her thick black tentacles away.

'Oh, poor baby..' She sounded playfully, amused by the frown that was crossing his face. '-maybe I should try and work some of that tension out of you..' Her thick black tentacles then slid over his shoulders. But Jafar had had enough of this unpleasant date now..

'I'm sorry Ursula..' Jafar sounded firmly slapping off her tentacles for the last time and getting to his feet. '-but your just not the woman for me..' Then without another word he vanished in a whirl of red smoke.

Ursula blinked stunned for a moment before frowning.

'I'm not the woman for him?' She sounded to herself before snorting slightly irritated. 'Pah-thetic..'

* * *

In the throne room of the Underworld Hades and Persephone were taking advantage of some rare alone-time as the imps were busy by the Styx. The fiery god of the Underworld had his wife pinned with one hand either side while leering playfully at her. Persephone could have easily orbed away but she merely giggled amused by the eager look in her husband's eyes.

'Heh, are you trying to seduce me Mr Hades?' She flashed him her best innocent little girl look which always cased a corrupt and perverse leer to cross her husband's face as he slid an arm around her waist and forced her body against his. He then lent in until they were inches apart and uttered a single word in a tone that sent tingles down her body.

'Always.' The two began kissing fiercely until a bored voice interrupted them.

'Oh for the love of Allah, get a room..' Recognizing the droll and grim tones of his vizier-friend Hades pulled back lazily and smirked at Jafar who was leaning on his snake staff eyeing the couple with nauseated expression.

'We had a room Jaffy..' The fiery god quipped. '-at least we did until you walked into it..'

'Oh spare me the petty details of your love life Hades..' The vizier rolled his eyes animatedly.

'Your back early..' Persephone, who was still pinned to the wall by her husband, craned her neck to look at the vizier. '-did things not go well with Ursula..?' She then flashed a sharp look at her husband as though blaming him for this..

'No..' The vizier groaned, shuddering at the thought of all those tentacles. '-she kept touching me in places..' He then slumped onto the edge of the chessboard.

'Heh, heh… yeh..' Hades sounded amused finally pulling away from his wife and perching on the chessboard beside him. '-she gets around..' Persephone who had been fixing her tight black chiton, which had been rumpled by her over-zealous husband, looked over and frowned at Hades' comment. Jafar too seemed to throw him a look of surprise.

'The what in the name of Allah were you thinking when you decided she was the woman for me?' He sounded irritated.

'Ahh c'mon Jaffy..' Hades waved off these angry words casually. 'She's got looks, a pretty face-' He then bounced to his feet. '-and let's not forget about the _buh-ody language.._' The god finished while smirking and shaking his hips in the same manner Ursula did.. Persephone suddenly erupted into hysterical giggling as her husband wiggled and Jafar covered his face briefly mortified by this exuberant display by his fiery best friend. Hades swivelled and winked at his wife before turning back to the vizier who was now frowning as his glare swivelled from an amused Persephone and a smirking Hades.

'Y'know what..' He sighed raising his hands in defeat. '-your both nuts..' Then without another word he vanished in a puff of red smoke.

Hades rolled his large yellow eyes before swivelling around and approaching his wife. His eyes narrowed lustfully as he gripped Persephone by the middle and lent her backwards.

'Now..' He mused more to himself than his now giggling wife. '-where were we?'

* * *

_Little Notes:_

_Heya peeps, this probably isn't one of my better chapters and I apologise for that… there isn't as many jokes here but the few that I did put in I hope you like.. I haven't seen the Little Mermaid for ages so it'll be interesting to see what you think as most of my ideas for Ursula came from memory of what I remember of her.._

_I also hope you liked the little flash back of Jafar's trip to the beach (it's how I would see him at the sea-side, lol) although I don't really know why he was at the beach in the first place, anybody got any suggestions? I thought maybe he just wanted a change of scene but it sounds really lame…_

_I must admit though my favourite part of the Little Mermaid was Pat Carroll's song 'You Poor Unfortunate Soul' which is why there are several references in this chap referring to it.._

_Ooh, there's only one disastrous date left… who is Jafar's final date with? Only one way to find out peeps…._

_Take Care…_

_Lot's of Love… Ditzy xXx_


	9. This Date is Just un'Fur'able Dahling

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

* * *

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter Nine:**__**This Date is Just un'Fur'able Dah-ling **_

'Are ya sure ya wanna set Jaffy up with her..'

Persephone rolled her large green eyes expressively at her husband's words before turning around to him with a slightly amused look.

'Since when did you start caring about what kind of woman Jafar goes on a date with..' The corners of her cherry lips curled upwards slightly.

Hades smirked at her words..

'I'm serious Seph..' He said following his wife as she turned away from him and headed down the hallway. '-I just don't think she's Jaffy's type-'

'And Ursula was?' Persephone snorted into giggles before turning back around to her husband. 'Look sweetie, we haven't got a lot of villainesses left to choose from and if you'd rather I phoned Maleficent-'

'No, no..' Hades sounded slightly alarmed and holding his hands up in a 'don't even go there' position. Maleficent would surely have heard about Jafar's dates from one of the other villains by now. Ever since those two had broken up Jafar had been a sore subject for the witch and because she liked to keep details of her private-life close, nobody was sure why she and Jafar had broken up. Not even the vizier himself was keen to talk about it which only lead to the speculation that the two had had some kind of falling out.

The news had come as a bit of a shock to Persephone as she'd always thought that in a bizarre way they complemented each other.. but no matter how many times she tried to get Hades to wangle some information out of him, the vizier wouldn't reveal anything about what happened… Persephone was at a lose with what to do, it was all very well to set him up on these dates but if they didn't sort out what exactly had gone wrong with Maleficent then they were never going to find his 'ideal woman'…

Persephone sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging slightly in defeat.

'Maybe your right..' She sounded musing on her date choice for Jafar. It was going to be a long-shot whether these two villains were going to get along or not.. after all, they weren't even interested in the same kind of things. '-this is a stupid idea, we should wait a bit..'

Hades' large golden orbs widened at the beaten tone of his wife, feeling suddenly guilty for making her feel this way he wrapped his arms around her and pulling her close. Persephone merely slumped against him, her eyes cast downwards looking dejected. Hades knew his wife had a better knack for pairing people off than he did, probably had something to do with her job as Goddess of Life. It had been her, not him who had successfully gotten Jafar to talk to Maleficent only a few years before in the House of Mouse… and didn't all his earlier matches prove that he, Hades, really had no clue about what made his closest friend tick?

'Seph..' The fiery god sounded softly in his wife's ear. '-do ya really think there's a chance those two might hit it off?' Persephone blinked then pulled out the rolodex card, the name on the card flashed before her and a small smile appeared on her lips.

'Well…' She sounded musingly thinking it through. '-I don't see why not? I mean, you've set Jafar up with far worse than her..' Her wide green eyes then swivelled to Hades, a flash of uncertainty was still there with the blinding hope that her husband knew what he was doing.. Hades flashed his wife a reassuring smirk.

'Then whatta we waitin' for..' Hades sounded cheerfully snatching the card off of Persephone with one hand and haling her down towards his study with the other. '-we gotta date to plan..'

'But what about the things you just said?' Persephone sounded doubtfully while reluctantly letting her husband lead her.

'Hah! Forget that Seph, what do I know about _dating_?'

* * *

Jafar sighed heavily, he was really starting to believe that there was nobody for him. He wasn't having much luck on these dates and even though Persephone seemed to have his best interests at heart it didn't stop the soul-crushing disappointment he went through every time he came home from his dates, none of these women were right for him… Funny really, he had never thought much about dating before he started going out with the Mistress of All Evil… too bad things had ended so badly with her as they had actually got on pretty well…

But it was their break up that had inspired Jafar to take drastic actions to avoid the inevitable realisation that he might just end up alone. Jafar was starting to feel that being alone wasn't such a bad thing… if anything, being on this string of really bad dates had reminded him that he did not need a woman to complete him… He was Jafar! The scourge of Agrabah, and he was damn proud of that…

Jafar walked purposely through the hallway of the House of Hades, this was it, this date would be his last date and then he was done with this ridiculous dating nonsense, he was never going to find his ideal woman following what the Underworld deities _thought_ would suit him…

'Jafar..' Persephone sounded cheerfully as she set the receiver of the phone down. The young Queen of the Underworld was perched in her husband's lap and the fiery god was wearing the kind of smirk that showed he was quite content with this. '-when did you arrive?' Persephone smiled at him before scribbling some details down o the parchment in front of her..

'Just now..' The vizier sounded watching the goddess warily, dreading to think what kind of horror lay ahead. '-the imps told me I could find you in here..'

Hades, who had been puffing happily on his cigar merely smirked at the sight of his grim best friend.

'Heh, couldn't wait for the imp-mail eh?' He then nudged Persephone. 'Didn't I tell ya… underneath that scowl he's a freakin' Casanova..' The goddess merely waved him off as he finishing her scribbling with a grimace.

'Sweetie I _really_ don't want to think of Jafar in that light..' She shuddered briefly as a mental image of Jafar wooing her date choice with a rose in between his teeth while dressed in skin tight leather trousers and ruffle shirt crossed her mind… _urgh, it was enough to put you off sex for a century_..

Hades blinked before chuckling at his wife's words.

'Heh, yeh…' He drawled as cigar smoke swirled from his lips. '-that's enough of that, don't want you two having an affair..' The fiery god laughed heartily at the dark look that Persephone gave him at these words… it clearly said 'not _even_ in his afterlife bub..'

'Was only kiddin' babe..' He sounded running his hands over her curves and kissing her cheek as he snatched the parchment with the date details out from underneath her fingers.

Jafar merely rolled his eyes at this display of affection from his fiery best friend, it didn't matter how often the vizier saw it, he couldn't get used to the tender affection displayed by them both. Of course Jafar had no issue with Persephone, far from it… the young goddess complemented Hades very well and seemed to bring out the best in him and also accepted his true villainous nature… Hades was very fortunate he had found someone like her and to some degree Jafar envied his best friend..

'Ok Jaffy..' Hades sighed checking over the date details his wife had taken down as the goddess herself snuggled into his chest. '-here ya are..' He passed the slip of parchment over to the grim vizier who look it and glanced at the details before turning his back to the Underworld couple.

'Thank you…' He sounded pocketing the slip before adding, '-but I'm afraid this will be my last date..' He added carefully and waited for the drachma to drop.

'What?' Hades sounded snapping out of his loved-up state and swivelling a firm gaze onto the grim vizier. 'Ya can't quit now Jaffy… I know you've had a rough run but-'

'Hades..' Persephone slipped a slim white finger over her husband's full blue lips, recognising the familiar signs of a fiery tantrum imminent as his flame hair bristled an irritable yellow. '-if this is really what he wants sweetie we have to respect that..' She sounded softly while holding her husband's long jaw in her hands to keep his focus on her knowing he'd calm down quicker. '-we can't force him to go on dates if he doesn't want to..'

'Oh, I beg to differ Sephy..' Hades sounded sullenly flashing Jafar a black look which the vizier returned.

'Stop it..' Persephone sounded rolling her wide green eyes irritably, sometimes you'd never realise that he was at least four times her age. 'Is this what you truly want Jafar?' She swivelled and asked him.

'It is, I think I've learnt everything I need to know about myself…' Jafar sounded as if this was final.

'Very well..' She sighed heavily and Hades gave an petulant huff before vanishing in a curl of smoke to sulk. 'Good luck on your final date..' The goddess squeaked as she slumped into her husband's vacated seat in a rather undignified manner..

* * *

Jafar sighed contently as he sat down in the stylish little coffee shop in the west-end of London. This was more like his kind of place.. Dark, gloomy with nothing but a good cup of Java that tasted like it was meant to, not like the cheep slop that had been fermented under the coffee machine for weeks on end. And these guys knew there stuff too, he had actually got what he'd ordered for a change, instead of having to correct the waiter who brought it over… so far this date was looking to be the best date he'd been on since he'd started this crazy crusade..

Suddenly there was the screeching of tires and a long white and black BMW screeched to a halt outside the front door. The next second the door swung open and a tall skinny woman with two-tone white and black hair got out. She was wearing a tight red dress that was covered in a massive fur-coat, she had her hand glued to the cell-phone that she was practically screeching down.

Jafar couldn't help but smile.. Cruella DeVil could always be counted upon to make an entrance.

'_I need this done today you imbecile!_' Her voice rang out loudly as she burst through the door, surprising some of the other people in the coffee shop. There was a pause as someone spoke on the other end causing Cruella to scowl deeply, clearly not something she wanted to hear..

'_I don't give a damn how you do it!_' She screeched again. '_Have them arrested or just blast their bloody heads off, I don't care! I want those activists off my front lawn today, I have a very important client coming from Milan and I don't want those people there, you got that?_' Again there was more noise from the other end but Cruella merely sighed and hung up.

'Honestly, they're utterly hopeless.' She sounded dropping her phone into her bag as one of the coffee shop staff approached her looking nervous. 'Yes, what do you want?' she sounded in a condescending manner catching sight of the waiter.

'Can I take your order ma'am..' The young girl sounded kindly causing Cruella to blink.

'Oh very well..' She sighed smiling pleasantly. '-tea and a scone dah-ling..' The girl scurried off as Cruella barked after her. '-_and don't skimp on the jam this time!_'

The BMW that Cruella DeVil had arrived in then vanished off around the corner as the slim fur-mad woman sat down in the seat opposite Jafar. She beamed widely taking out her cigarette holder and a cigarette, she lit it before taking a big inhale and issuing smoke everywhere causing Jafar to wrinkle his nose and wave the smoke out of his face.

'Jafar… simply marvellous to see you again dah-ling I-' She broke off as the blackberry in her handbag went off. '-excuse me Jafar.. I have to take this..' she sounded apologetically while sending another wave of smoke over to him causing the vizier to cough heavily.

'_WHAT_?' Cruella screeched again causing those nearby to glare at the two villains in the dark corner of the coffee shop. '_What do you mean you've lost them? How could you possibly lose a group of anti-fur activists?_' There was a pause as Cruella's brow furrowed deeper. '_Well find them then! You should have just shot them all when you had the chance!_' She then hung up the phone sighing as the waiter appeared with her order. 'Thank you my dear..' She uttered before pouring herself a cup of tea.

'Having trouble with the folks from T.A.F.F again?' Jafar asked gently causing the fur-mad woman to groan with vexation, when wasn't she having issues with the Toons Against Fur Fashion activists… they were like bloody flies, kill one and six more appeared.

'Unfortunately dah-ling… it's the price you have to pay when you're a slave to fur-' She sighed heavily and wrapped herself up in her coat. '-but I live for fur, I worship fur and anybody in this wretched world who doesn't deserves to get shot..'

Jafar made a mental note never to let on that he actually wasn't much of a fur-lover himself, too many hairs… he was much more into cooler materials. For a few moments Cruella was silent as she puffed away on her cigarette while stroking her fur coat. Jafar waved the smoke away, personally he hated cigarettes… they were a nasty habit to get into and the smoke was most unpleasant.

Once Cruella had finished her cigarette she ate her one jammy scone before slumping contented back into her fur coat..

'So dah-ling…' Cruella sounded after a while, having managed to bore Jafar senseless with her chit-chat about all the different furs in her closet and how many endangered species she'd got away with killing… apparently she was on a kind of Noah mission, the aim being to kill and skin two of every creature. '-tell me, how have your other dates been?' They had been on this date for nearly an hour and she was only just getting around to letting him talk about himself. She had had at least three cigarettes in that time, chasing off all the other costumers with it… Jafar coughed once more and his diaphragm was actually starting to ache from all the hacking he was having to do.

'They were absolutely abysmal my dear…' Jafar sighed heavily. '-but I did learn a little something about myself-'

Well that's the main thing dah-ling..' She sounded cheerfully. '-as long as you got something form the experience then it wasn't a complete waste of time..' She smiled widely.

'Precisely..' He merely smiled before it twisted into a scowl at the sight of a large crowd of people who were starting to surround the coffee shop. 'Oh dear..' He sighed heavily and Cruella DeVil blinked confused.

'What's the matter dah-ling..' She asked confused.

'I think I know where your anti-fur activists went..' He sounded before pointing to the campaigners outside who were rallying each other.

'What?' She blinked again before frowning and swivelling in her seat. 'Oh I don't bloody believe it!' She screeched. '-those vile loathsome beasts must have found out about our date dah-ling!'

'Clearly the information leaked somehow..' He spoke but Cruella wasn't listening. The fur-mad woman had stormed over to the door and wrenched it open.

The moment the door was open the chanting started.

'Fur is murder! Fur is murder! Fur is murder! Fur is murder!'

'Well of _course_ it's murder dah-lings!' She sounded rolling her eyes with expressive annoyance. 'Would you rather I skinned the little beasts alive?'

Jafar couldn't help but smirk amused, Cruella certainly had a way with people. For a brief moment the chanting stopped as what she said was digested by the anti-fur activists.

'_Boooooooooooooooo!_'

Then the chanting started again, this time even louder than before.

'_Fur is murder! Fur is murder! Fur is murder! Fur is murder!'_

'Oh for heavens sake I don't have time for this..' Cruella tutted irritably digging out her phone and shaking her head impatiently. '_Horace! Bring the car around, and for the love of god try to run some of these people over!_' She then hung up before her driver could answer back then turned to Jafar. 'I'm sorry Jafar but I must go… cheerio dah-ling cheerio!' She sounded cheerfully dropping a few notes on the table before her BMW screeching back around the corner causing activists to run out of it's way alarmed. The fur-mad Cruella DeVil left, getting into her car before the activists could hassle her properly. For a few moments Jafar watched curiously, just to see what she would do. Then he winced as Cruella pushed her head and arm out of the back passenger window holding a shotgun screeching,

'Just give me an excuse dah-lings, just give me an excuse!'

'Oh not another one with a shotgun..' The vizier drawled before vanishing in a curl of red smoke before Cruella DeVil decided to blow up the whole street…

* * *

_Little Notes:_

_Hey Everybody, I bet your all dying to see what happens in the next chap, especially after all the stuff with Maleficent at the start… anybody have any ideas how they broke up? Lol, I bet some of you will still be gunning for me to write the Mal and Jaffy date after reading this story… I really don't know if I could do it and give it justice.._

_Ok, I know the date itself was fairly short but I don't think Cruella would have time in her busy schedule for a long date as she runs her own fashion empire, I hope you all love the activists as much as I did. I imagine she would have lot's of issues with anti-fur activists don't you?_

_OooH, I hope I've put some doubt into who Jafar's 'ideal woman' is… but you'll just have to wait for my final chap to find out…_

_Take care peeps…_

_Lot's of Love… Ditzy xXx_


	10. It's a Nice Day for a Dark wedding,,

_Ok, peeps this is yet another brand new fic that I started writing and although it may have many little links that connect it to both P.o.P and H.o.T.T it is not directly linked to the stories, it is just something I wrote for fun so please review and let me know what you think… for a change this fic will be more about Jafar than Hades so please enjoy…_

_As usual I don't own any characters created by Disney I'm just borrowing them but I do own Persephone so if you wish to use her in your own fics please let me know first 'kay…_

…_Love Ditzy…. XXx_

* * *

_**Jafar's Disastrous Dates**_

_**Chapter Ten:**__**It's a Nice Day for a Dark Wedding… **_

It had only been a few hours since an irritated Jafar returned to the Underworld from his date with Cruella declaring he'd rather be alone than face another psychotic-shotgun-wielding villainess, before he then decided that women were definitely _not_ worth bothering about. He'd then vanished off home in a haughty puff of red smoke before Hades or Persephone could stop him. The Goddess of Life, who felt bad about the whole affair, had instantly shut herself up in Hades' study upset by Jafar's announcement. After giving his wife a little space to come to terms with it the fiery god then went after her to try a cheer her up… after all, Persephone had really wanted the vizier to find someone..

Hades lent on the doorway of his study and watched his wife pace relentlessly back and forth. He hated it when she was upset, it was the worst kind of torment for him.

'Sephy it's over..' He sighed heavily. 'We failed to find Jaffy a woman, why do ya insist on obsessing over it?' Persephone then stopped pacing and swivelled to him causing the fiery god to step towards her and rub her shoulders gently.

'There's got to be something we're missing..' Persephone sounded determinedly folding her arms, she didn't like the way this 'Jafar business' was turning out..

'Babe don't torture yourself like this..' Hades crooned softly wrapping his arms around her, pulling her to him and stroking her long blonde hair soothingly. Persephone lent her head on his shoulder. '-we did the best we could but maybe Jaffy is just meant to be alone..'

These words made Persephone blink, then raised her head to look at her husband in disbelief.

'I don't believe that and neither do you..' She sounded, surprised by her husband's sudden defeated attitude.

'No..' Hades agreed. '-but there's nothing we can do now..' Persephone sighed frustrated. She needed to find out why Jafar was so willing to give up… but the grim vizier wouldn't share anything with them so how was she going to get the information she needed?

'If only we knew why he and Maleficent broke up..' She mused aloud causing Hades to snigger amused.

'Hah, fat chance babe… what ya gonna do? Phone Maleficent and ask her?' He smirked widely at thee very thought but Persephone merely blinked before beaming at her husband.

'Oh Hades you're a genius..' She squealed excitedly causing Hades to blink stunned as she squeezed him tight and dashed over to the rolodex on the table, hurriedly flipping through the contacts.

'Err… Seph that was a joke..' Hades sounded as Persephone pulled Maleficent's card out of the rolodex and grabbed the phone. As soon as she had dialled the number Hades leapt into action, diving across the desk and hanging up the phone.

'Seph are you insane?' He hissed. 'Ya can't ask Mal, she'll curse ya for even daring to bring it up..' Persephone scoffed at her husband's words and rolled her eyes.

'Maybe she'll curse you sweetie because your so tactless but-'

'_Ex-cuse_ _me!_' Hades cut her off, flames bristling orange with insult. 'Moi, tactless?' Persephone merely giggled at his offended expression.

'Oh sweetie, it's nothing personal but you do lack the certain..' She circled her wrist vaguely rolling her eyes upwards while searching for the right word. '-_subtleties_ when dealing with delicate topics..' Hades blinked then glared at his wife.

'I do not!' He sounded crossly causing his whole face to flash an angry orange colour.

'Oh really?' Persephone placed her hands on her hips and raising her brows with disbelief. 'How about when Maleficent and Jafar first broke up and you said-' Persephone pulled her best Hades voice, which was surprisingly accurate.. '-'What's with you schlubs? I haven't seen this much gloom ina room since Pandora opened that box..'.'

'Oh well.. _soh-rree_ for tryin' to lighten the atmosphere!' Hades huffed petulantly turning away from his wife and folding his arms tightly across his chest. Persephone blinked at her pouting husband before sliding a hand over his shoulder.

'Hades..' She smiled kindly to her husband and addressing him in a soothing motherly tone. '-all I'm saying is we might still be able to find Jafar a date if we can find out what went wrong with him and Maleficent, and we might get a better response if I talk to her..'

Hades rolled his golden orbs irritably and sighed huffily. He wasn't about to forget her insult in a hurry. Persephone merely continued to smile gently in response to her husband's sulking, he could be like a massive kid sometimes..

'Y'know..' She suddenly purred in a seductive voice. '-I'll need a smooth-talking god with a lot of fire-power to persuade Jafar to come back to the Underworld, do you know where I could find one of those?' Her eyes narrowed playfully as Hades turned back around with a slight smirk.

'I might, if ya apologize..' Hades sounded in a husky drawl as his smirk widened into a leer. In response to his words Persephone grabbed him by the front of his chiton and kissed him passionately. After a few moments of sensuous making out the two deities broke apart.

'Am I forgiven yet?' Persephone sounded breathlessly stroking his angular jaw with her fingers.

'Hmmm.. I'll think about it-' Persephone rolled her eyes, her husband always did drive a hard bargain. '-but in the meantime..' The fiery god sighed dramatically before continuing, '-I better go grab Jaffy..' He then vanished in a swirl of black smoke to go and talk the grim vizier into coming back down to the Underworld.

* * *

Persephone sighed heavily before picking up the phone once more and dialling the number on the card from the rolodex. She perched herself on the edge of the table trying to think of the best way to approach the subject of Jafar with Maleficent.

'Who is it?' Came the cool response from the other end of the receiver and the young Queen of the Underworld rolled her eyes, Maleficent never said hello..

'Maleficent? It's Persephone..' The goddess sounded brightly and their was a sigh from the other end.

'I wondered when I would be hearing from you..' The witch sounded in the same cool and derisive tone, Persephone would have been offended if Maleficent didn't address everybody with it.. '-I don't know why you would ring me Persephone, I have absolutely no desire to go on another date with _that_ insufferable fool..' Maleficent's voice added firmly, suggesting she wasn't quite ready to see him again.

'Ah, no..' Persephone sounded flushing slightly at the witch's words. '-but uh… now that you mention Jafar Maleficent, I was wondering if you could-'

'Absolutely not!' Maleficent sounded sharply from the other end, second guessing what was about to be asked. 'You are not dragging me into his sordid little love-game..'

'I know this is a sensitive subject for you Maleficent but it would really help me understand him a bit better if you told me how you guys broke up..' Persephone sounded gently.

There was a brief pause at the other end of the line before Maleficent spoke again, this time a little confused.

'You mean Jafar hasn't told you why?'

'Err… no.. he just says something about a difference of opinion and then changes the subject.'

'He said _what_!' Persephone pulled the phone away as Maleficent shrieked the last word her anger practically burning down the phone.

'So.. uh… what _did_ happen to you guys then?' Persephone sounded gently and there was a calming sigh from the other end of the phone.

* * *

'Why exactly am I back down here Hades?' Jafar sounded in a grim tone looking around the throne room with disgust. 'I told you already, I am not going on another date..'

'Jaffy re-lax..' Hades smirked widely at his best friend. '-your reading' way too much into this..' The grim vizier merely raised his brows at the fiery god…

'Oh I sincerely doubt that..' He drawled clutching his snake-staff more securely.

* * *

'He called you a what?' Persephone blinked in confusion at Maleficent's words nearly dropping the phone.

'Oh yes, yes… I see that..' The young goddess added as the witch screeching in irritation. '-but did you really have to dump him just for calling you that?' The young Queen of the Underworld pulled the phone away as words like, 'That intolerable fool..' and '-he dared to call me such a foul and disgustingly nice thing..' and '-never have I endured such humiliation..'

'Yes well, men aren't exactly the sharpest tool in the Torture Kit..' The young goddess sighed shaking her head ruefully. Maleficent made an agreeable sound on the other end of the phone.

'Heh, yeh I know.. My husband has done a lot of stupid things too..' Persephone's eyes widened at Maleficent's next words.

'Why no..' Her green eyes narrowed with the anticipation of some dirt on her husband. '-Hades never told me about your date..' There was a brief pause as Maleficent described the events in the House of Mouse that night.

'Oh he didn't!' Persephone squealed, shuddering at the thought of Hades in Mickey Mouse's shorts and pulling a nice act. There was a pause as Maleficent made a comment then laughed. 'Oh my days I know..' The young goddess gushed. '-I would be mortified too but..' She sighed with relief. '-thankfully he's not done anything like that to me _yet_..' There was a brief pause in conversation before Persephone spoke, sounding as though reminded of something..

'Oh, do you want me to pass anything on to Jafar?' She sounded sweetly with a hint of mischievousness about her… Oh she did love stirring up trouble sometimes..

'Alright then… I'll be sure he get's that Maleficent, you take care now..' She then said her goodbye and hung up the phone before heading to the throne room.

* * *

'Sephy..' Hades drawled bouncing off his throne and sweeping forward to his wife. '-my sweet adorable little siren, did you find out what you needed to know?'

'Oh yes… plus a lot more..' She smirked at her husband before turning and heading over to Jafar. When she drew level with the vizier she paused before delivering her message..

_Smack.._

The hard slap echoed around the throne room and Jafar held his jaw as Hades dropped his in amazement.

'That's from Maleficent for lying about how you two broke up..' Persephone sounded before..

_Smack.._

She hit him again on the other side of the face..

'-and that's for calling her a 'diamond in the rough..' you know better than to call her names like that..' Persephone glared at the grim vizier.

'What?' Hades sounded in disbelief at these words…

'Let me guess..' Jafar sounded rubbing the other cheek. '-that was from her too.'

'No..' Persephone scowled. '-that one was from me..' She folded her arms stubbornly.

'Whoa, whoa, whoa..' Hades sounded raising his hands. '-time out people.. did I just hear this correctly?' Hades turned to Jafar. 'Maleficent dumped you because you called her a 'diamond in the rough..'?'

'Yes! Why don't you laugh it up you flaming jack-in-the-box!' The grim vizier sounded but Hades didn't, instead he whistled impressed.

'I gotta hand it to ya…' The fiery god sounded amused. '-ya got more guts than me I would never-' Hades broke off as a new figure appeared in the throne room.

'Oh..' The female sounded apologetically' '-I didn't realise you were busy, I'll just come back later..' Hades' eyes rolled with annoyance at the newcomer, trust that miserable witch to start shoving her oar into where it don't belong..

Both Persephone and Jafar had also looked around at the smooth female voice… Persephone, like Hades narrowed her eyes at the witch's presence but Jafar gawped at her in surprise. She was tall and slender, wearing a long navy chiton and her dark blue hair which was capped with a sleek silver horned headdress. In her hand was a staff with blue fire on the end of it. Her skin was a very pale lilac colour and her eyes were silvery like the moon… she was beautiful, in a sinister sort of way..

Persephone's green eyes chanced a glance at Jafar and recognised the look in his eyes immediately, how could she not? It was the same look her husband had been giving her for the entire time they had been together… and it gave the goddess an idea..

'No Hecate, it's ok..' Persephone sounded ignoring the noise of annoyance that Hades gave to her words. '-c'min a sec, there's someone I'd like to introduce you to..'

Hecate's thin violet lips twisted into a smile at the look on Hades' incredulous face as she stepped over to Persephone who was standing beside a rather interesting looking fellow…

'Jafar, this is Hecate, Queen of the Night..' Persephone turned to the witch. '-Hecate, this is Jafar, the Scourge of Agrabah..' The white-skinned goddess stepped back and smirked at the two of them… duh, it was so freaking obvious, why didn't she think of this before..

'The Scourge of Agrabah, hmm..' Hecate sounded musingly as she studied Jafar's image… he was definitely her type. Tall, dark and _deadly_… '-so… what is that you do?'

'Oh you know..' Jafar drawled shrugging airily. '-plot evilly on how your going to take over someone else's kingdom..' Hecate's smile widened at these words.

'Well, I do like a man with ambition..' She purred. '-would you like to continue this conversation in less gloomy surroundings?' The witch added causing Hades to flare irritably.

'I would be delighted..' Jafar sounded and Hecate linked arms with him and the vizier pulled a small vial out of his pocket. Hecate smiled widely at it.

'Ahh, a man who knows his potions… I can see you and I are going to get along just fine..' she sounded before they both vanished in a puff of smoke.

Hades fumed before rounding on his wife.

'What the hell did you do that for?' He snarled irritably.

'Now Hades, there's no need for the dramatics..' Persephone responded smirking at him.

'Err, hello… Seph, you just set Jafar up with my closest enemy!'

'Sweetie, they liked each other and besides…' The young goddess wrapped her arms around his waist. '-with Jafar distracting her, she'll be out of our hair for a while, isn't that a good thing?' Hades groaned inwardly.

'Alright, fine… but I'm gonna be keeping a close eye on them..' He sounded before his features softened as he looked into his wife's eyes. '-your just lucky you're my wife if ya were anybody else-'

'Yeh, yeh… you'd flame me, I know.' She sounded softly before pulling him into a luscious kiss.

* * *

_Six months later…_

The wedding day was perfect, or at least as perfect as a wedding in the Underworld could be. They were surrounded by friends and a few family too. Claude Frollo was the minister of this dark union. As he read out the vows the bride turned to her groom and smiled at him… it was hard to believe that she was finally getting her dream wedding after everything that had happened between them..

The groom smiled back at his bride… after everything that had transpired between them during that run of bad dates this was just the kind of thing they needed to prove that love can surpass all obstacles..

Claude Frollo's voice suddenly broke through the groom's thoughts.

'Do you Hades, take Persephone to be your lawfully wedded wife for as long as you both exist?' The fiery god smirked wolfishly at the judge and fellow villain.

'I do..' He sounded smiling at his bride next to him, renewing their vows had been entirely his idea… he hadn't been happy that they had to rush their first wedding and at least this time Demeter was present, even if his mother-in-law didn't look impressed with the company her daughter kept.

'And do you Persephone..' Claude Frollo sounded turning to the bride who beamed girlishly turning to her groom. '-take Hades to be your lawfully wedded husband for as long as you both exist?'

'I do..' She sounded gazing solemnly into Hades' golden eyes.

'By the power vested in me I give you the Lord and Lady of the Underworld..' Frollo then turned to Hades. '-you may now kiss the bride..'

'Ooh..' Hades leered at Persephone. '-don't mind if I do..' He then grabbed his bride by the waist, lent her back and kissed her passionately. After a long moment he pulled away smirking at Persephone's slightly surprised look.

'Wow..' She uttered as a smoke ring issued from her lips. There was clapping and cheering from the crowd. Most of the crowd was the villainous cronies of Hades. Such as, Madame Mim, who had a tight grip on an unnerved Captain Hook's arm, Cruella DeVil, Ursula, who seemed to be putting her moved on a rather uncomfortable looking Gaston, Maleficent who was sat with a serene smile and Jafar who was sat with Hecate.. A few gods were present besides Demeter, Persephone's favourite aunt Hestia, who had baked the wedding cake, Hermes, who wouldn't have missed this for the world, Persephone's brother Bacchus, who just like an excuse for a party and Hades' adoptive parents Nyx and Erebus..

As Hades pulled Persephone back to her feet she beamed at him.

'There's just one last thing to do..' She said softly.

'Uh, what's that?' Hades sounded confused.

'Duh.. Throw the bouquet..' She rolled her eyes at her silly husband before turning her back on the crowd… there was a flurry of excitement from both Mim and Ursula while Maleficent edged further out of the way of the bouquet.

Persephone closed her eyes and threw it, swivelling around quickly to see who would get the flowers. Ursula and Mim were trying to shove each other out of the way both wishing to grab the bouquet. But the flowers bounced neatly over their fingers towards the couple sat behind them…

…then landed into the lap of a very surprised Hecate who merely stared dumbfounded by them. Jafar too was staring shocked by them. Hecate recovered first then remembering the symbolism behind the one who catches the brides bouquet she turned a death-glare at Jafar..

'Don't you even think about it..' She hissed threateningly towards him before stalking off.

The grim vizier merely looked after her bemused… clearly he didn't get the sign…

* * *

Later, once all the guests had gone home, Zeus appeared in the Underworld causing Hades to frowned at his older brother.

'Well, well… look who decided to show up.. _late_..' He sneered causing Zeus to blink.

'I'm not here for your wedding party Hades..' The Lord of Olympus sounded before adding. '-I've come for my..' He paused as Persephone appeared beside her husband before adding in a hinted tone to Hades. '-_y'know_..'

'Oh..' The fiery god sounded understanding instantly as Persephone blinked confused. '-has Hera finished her cleaning I take it..'

'Uh, yehh… so can I have them back now..' Zeus added nervously and Hades smirked, snapping his fingers causing a box of scrolls to appear in the tanned god's arms.

'Thanks for holding onto them for me Hades..' Zeus sounded cheerfully before vanishing.

It then clicked with Persephone what had been in the box..

'Wait, you were telling the truth..' She blinked. '-it really was Zeus' porn stash?' Persephone asked confused.

'Y'know..' Hades rolled his eyes. '-I do that a lot, yet people are always surprised..'

'So uh..' Persephone slid up to her husband playing with his chiton.. '-when do I get a peek at your stash?'

Hades blinked surprised before adding with a smirk.

'Why? Ya think you can handle it?' Persephone smirked back amused.

'I can handle anything you dish out... bub..'

_A few minutes later…_

Persephone tilted her head sideways looking bemused at the scroll in front of her while Hades smirked amused at her from the bed.

'Wow…' She sounded trying to take in what she was seeing. '-is that even legal?'

* * *

_Little Notes:_

_Hey Everybody, and so ends yet another fic… hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I liked writing it! Sept the 19__th__ marks my first anniversary on this site and I'm very impressed with my progress, three complete stories is quite an achievement I feel.. I hope all the Mal/Jaffy fans weren't too disappointed by thee end of this fic, I never intended to make it one of those… that's why reading you little argument on my review page was so entertaining to me._

_Hey, whadda ya know… it wasn't Hades' porn after all (I just thought it was a great way to end the story) I love Seph's last line… I'll let you imagine what it is she's looking at XD_

_Take Care…_

_Love… Ditzy x x_


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